


What We Could Become

by Soul Sistah Slash (Batagur)



Series: Just another AU Sunday in outer space [2]
Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Alternate Universe, Episode Fixit: s03e17 Sunday, Episode Related, Episode: s03e18 Submersion, M/M, Minor Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-15
Updated: 2015-11-16
Packaged: 2018-05-01 19:41:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 26,958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5218343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Batagur/pseuds/Soul%20Sistah%20Slash
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In some other alternate universe Rodney decides to just go fishing on Sunday.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. part one

**Author's Note:**

> Not Beta'd.

Prologue:  
She was sad. She was kissing him goodbye. The Daedalus was loading at the south pier, ready to make the three week journey home. She would be on board. And although they had had fun together, and had become close friends, the spark just never took off and became the flame she had wanted. She knew why. 

“You take care of yourself,” he said softly as he gently caressed her cheek and stroked back her hair from her eyes. She loved his voice, so soft and caring and musical with his thick Scottish accent hitting every syllable like a lullaby. It was the first thing she had noticed about him. She had never met anyone with such an amazing voice. Then when he smiled and she saw the dimples, it was a done deal. She wanted her chance with him.

“I’ll be okay,” she said. “I’ll worry more about you! This place is a madhouse some days.”

He smiled and she took the time to bask in that glorious glow one last time. All those dimples and nice teeth and pure blue eyes that put the sky to shame, she still had it bad, but she knew she had hit ‘game over.’ 

“Won’t be the same without you,” he said. “Pray a little less fun, and certainly more mad…”

“Rodney can certainly bring the madness,” she laughed.

He took her hand and held it. He squeezed it lightly. She knew it was his way of trying yet again to apologize for something he had no control over and was never his fault. Hell, in fact it was probably her fault. Playing yenta for McKay while trying to maneuver herself in with Carson had been a monumentally bad idea. Dr. Zelenka had been right, neither she nor Rodney had been capable of thinking straight when they were sharing consciousness. 

She should have known someone so amazing and perfect and smart and kind would have some hitch. Provided, she had asked around with the girls and vetted him carefully. As far as they knew, he wasn’t attached or gay. What they hadn’t known and were unable to inform her was that he was bi. And it was not that that should have mattered. Certainly, all that had mattered in that case was if he was unattached and if perhaps military girls turned him on. 

She knew that he was McKay’s closest friend. What she didn’t know was there had been a latent attraction hiding in that obviously painful friendship. How else could the poor man put up with the abuse of Rodney’s arrogance and self-centeredness? McKay was undeniably a genius but he was never winning any popularity awards. No one on Atlantis understood why Beckett put up with McKay. 

Well, now Laura Cadman understood. It was strange how she figured it out. They basically figured it out together, really. Kisses that should have turned from warm to red hot never even made it past slightly toasty. She couldn’t understand what it was at first, and she tried to fight it. She pulled every trick she knew to fight it, from seductive clothing to elicit tryst just a hair’s breathe away from full public exposure. That one had been perhaps the biggest failure. Carson was a very private man and couldn’t even begin to feel the kind of racy erotic excitement the situation was supposed to bring. Instead he just felt embarrassed and awkward. 

Fail after fail, she began to understand something about them together. Every time they kissed, there was another person there, ever present and in the background and giving them his sourest, disapproving and petulant look ever. Rodney never left their kiss. He made it go from sweet to bitter in a matter of seconds. He was the cold, sobering wind that blew out their potential flame. It didn’t help that the man was unpleasant to her in reality. He seemed angry at her for what he considered to be the worst three days of his life. He resented her for hijacking his date with Katie Brown and for making him kiss his best friend in front of just about everyone on Atlantis. That kiss became a matter of official record. How awkward was that?

“Aye, I’m not lookin’ forward to any madness he has to dish out.”

“But you can take it and give it right back,” she said as she squeezed his hand back. “I’ve seen you do it. You are one of the few that can. He intimidates everyone else.”

“He’s all bluster and blow, but deep down, he’s only a wee bit of a mean-spirited arsehole, mostly.”

She laughed at his joke, but understood its deeper meaning. The fact that they were talking about Rodney, even now as they said goodbye was testimony to how deeply he had infected and disrupted their relationship. 

She touched his face, running her hand against rough stubble. She loved the look of a man in need of a good shave. “He’s going to need you,” she whispered.

“I honestly don’t see that happening,” he replied a little sadly. He took her hand into his so now he held them both.

“I do,” she said. She looked him in the eyes. “I’ve been up in that mess of a head of his. He needs you.”

She felt the tears she had been fighting finally win and begin to spill from her eyes. She knew it was true. If McKay took a moment to stop viciously fighting his own deeply hidden low self-esteem, he would see. The man’s conceit was couched in fear, fear of failure, fear of himself and fear of feeling. Making himself believe he was the master of his universe was his way of running from all those fears and keeping others out, behind a wall of what he wanted them to see, the bright and shiny wunderkind who saves the day. 

When she kissed Carson in Rodney’s body, she felt how Rodney reacted only because it was so sudden and violent that he couldn’t help but share. He had reacted with shock, anger, fear and hope. It was the hope that had surprised her. She had expected the indignant anger and the fear of what the others were seeing. The hope was this small little seed lost in the storm of Rodney. It wanted the touch and taste of his best friend. The hope wanted to feel close and secure in Carson’s love. The hope was afraid of being alone and it wanted Carson because Carson cared and could handle him and understood him when so many others didn’t. 

Laura pulled Carson close and pressed a kiss to his cheek. “Take care of each other,” she whispered against his skin before she let go and turned away. She picked up her ruck sack and practically ran down the causeway for the Daedalus bay doors. 

~  
Saturday night.

Rodney Had been looking forward to sleeping, so when he finally flopped back on his bed and wrapped his hands over his belly with a content sigh, he thought he was safe for another day. Sweet oblivion awaited with whatever dream entertainment his brain chose to regale him with that night. Life had evened out to a somewhat less chaotic pace, so he hoped that the nightmares fueled by his most recent escapades were on the wane. He would relax in the silent dark and feel comfortable enough to simply close his eyes and not think until tomorrow. That, of course, didn’t last. 

“Dr. McKay, please report to the infirmary.”

“Oh for-God-sakes,” he protested softly to no one. He then pushed himself up off the bed.

He took his righteous indignation out on Hewston and Watson for this insufferable interruption of well needed and well deserved sleep by the city’s most crucial scientist. He half expected Carson to pull on his chain to make him heel. Carson didn’t. So, he must have been in his rights to give the pair the chewing out that they received. Acknowledging that, he decided to temper his ire with a little generosity, to show them he wasn’t a cruel tyrant. He tried to give them the next day off.

That was when they informed him that tomorrow was Sunday. Almost everyone had the day off. And that was when he realized in horror that tomorrow was The Day! He looked over at Carson who mimed reeling in a fish with a huge smile. 

He had said yes because a very small part of him really wanted to. He wanted to spend some time all alone with Carson. They never really ever got time all alone. Someone was always on call, around a corner or half preoccupied with some work related bull. The crisis piled on too thick some days and they would only get a breath before they were pulled under again.

Rodney left the infirmary with a sense of doom hanging over him. His brain was moving a mile a minute. He flopped back down on his bed, but sleep was long gone from the realm of possibilities. His mind was still working in frantic mode but there was a constant refrain to his thoughts that went something like this: _Not ready. Not ready. OhGod. Not ready…._

He finally did fall asleep. However, when he woke up, he had made a decision. He had to get out of it. He just wasn’t ready to face what they could become.

~  
Sunday

He stood outside of the botany lab wearing his nice blue shirt that really brought out his eye color. He knew Katie was in there. He had asked around. If he got her to agree on a lunch date, he knew Carson would understand and wouldn’t get too upset. He thought about faking ill, but thought better of it. He was a lousy liar and Carson could read him like a book some days. Plus, it was never wise to fake ill before a medical professional. He’d spend his day in the infirmary strapped down to some diagnostic machine while Carson took notes and mumbled about allergens. 

He was about to knock when he happened to think about the fact that Carson knew him too well. Rodney frowned. He hated that. Carson knew him so well that he cut him to the bone somedays, and Rodney couldn’t forgive him for that. Carson hurt him when he shone a light on some of Rodney’s shallow behavior and called him out for being too self-absorbed. Why should he spend his day with a man who could hurt him so casually?

It wasn’t casual, though. Carson got upset and perhaps a bit disappointed in him at times. Carson didn’t hold back, and he was always prepared to take Rodney to task for what he saw as bad behavior.

“I don’t have to answer to him,” Rodney told himself. He lifted his hand again to knock on the door. He hesitated, again. 

So here he was at Katie’s door, so to speak, and what did he expect from her, other than the obvious excuse? She was the only woman on Atlantis who had expressed an interest in him. She was pretty and nice and she always smelled really good. Those were the plusses. He wasn’t sure if they had much in common. Rodney didn’t try to understand plants, beyond their usefulness in photosynthesis and as food. She seemed not to be that big of a fan physics or of music that he could tell, judging upon the short list of selections of music he had seen in her rooms. She didn’t like animals in general, let alone cats. He mentioned his cat once to her and her nose wrinkled briefly in distaste. That had been a disappointment. 

Mostly, she didn’t get him. He would say something lightly or as a joke and she would give him a wide eyed, deer-in-the-headlights stare. It was disconcerting. It was nice that she liked him, but would that be enough. 

Rodney knew what he was running from, but would running to her be any better?

He lowered his hand and walked away from the botany lab. He would just grab a sandwich and hide in his room for the rest of the day. If he was lucky, Carson would tire of trying to track him down and just go without him.

~  
In the commissary, as he was grabbing a chicken salad sandwich, he was shocked but not surprised to hear that familiar Scottish accent just at his shoulder.

“Great minds think alike,” Carson said as he grabbed his own sandwich. 

Busted, Rodney thought. No excuse, no Katie, no illness. He was just busted. Damn his treacherous stomach!

“Um…”

“This is going to be great,” Carson said smiling broadly. 

He looked at his friend. That was his first mistake. Carson was smiling at him so happily. It had been a long time since he had seen the man truly happy. Any more, they spent a good deal of time getting on each other’s nerves. It was a miracle to Rodney that Carson wanted to spend time with him at all. Was it him, or the fish? All Rodney knew was that he was Carson’s first choice. 

“Okay,” Rodney said with a defeated frown after listening to Carson gush about the fish they would find and how lovely the day was already looking to be. 

He followed Carson out of the commissary and to the jumper that held the fishing gear Carson had packed the day before. He listened in dreary doomed silence as Carson rattled on about fish he had caught both back in Scotland and in Colorado. General O’Neill, apparently, owned a fishing Cabin not far from the Mountain that he let certain personnel use from time to time. This was going to be a long jumper ride.

They had only just landed when their radios sprang to life with the emergency tone.

“Oh no,” Carson said.

“Thank God,” Rodney whispered.

“Dr. McKay and Dr. Beckett, this is an emergency recall,” Elizabeth Weir’s voice came over the radio in a calm tone that only signified the depth of the emergency. Rodney sobered when he heard her voice. This wasn’t going to be something nice and easy, and they were about an hour out.

“We are on our way, Elizabeth,” Carson replied. “But we are already on the mainland, and hour or so out, Can you state the nature of the emergency?”

“There has been an explosion with many casualties, Carson. We don’t know much more than that right now. Updates are coming.” 

Rodney looked at Carson who swallowed heavily but settle back in the pilot chair of jumper 4. Best possible speed, they could be back in about fifty-five minutes. Rodney’s frown deepened as he realized he was experiencing the old saying, ‘be careful what you wish for.’

The ride back was intense. Their silences were only broken by radioed updates from both Elizabeth and Sheppard. Teyla was one of the wounded. Rodney ground his teeth and willed the jumper to go faster. He wondered if it would wise to meddle with the propulsion to see if he could get just a few more horsepower out of her. But he knew that would be an inefficient waste. Anything he could do, he wouldn’t finish in under an hour’s time and they were already fifteen minutes into the flight. 

John informed them that Dr. Harriett Hewston was dead, and from the forensic evidence gathered at the blast was exactly at ground zero. Then Radak Zelenka came on to inform them that she was more than merely at ground zero.

“It is as if she exploded!” Zelenka exclaimed over the radio.

“Hold on there,” Carson said looking as horrified as Rodney felt. “She exploded? Like some kind of bloody spontaneous combustion?”

“Much more violently than that…”

Rodney’s brain clicked on the name and the circumstances and the coincidence. He snapped his fingers impatiently as he tried to put his speeding thoughts into words. 

“Last night, Dr. Hewston and Dr. Watson triggered a device emitting strange radiation in a lab they were investigating… Third level lab….”

“I have the location jot down in my daily reports from yesterday.” Carson volunteered. “I submitted those last night and should be in Elizabeth’s inbox.”

Bless the man, Rodney thought. He was always so thorough. The circumstances of all accidents need to be reported in the daily logs of all department heads, but Rodney was woefully behind on paperwork.

“Radak, just go in the lab and download the project data… and try not to activate anything,” Rodney said in a tired, condescending tone. He was answered with a string of angry Czech. 

Ten minutes later, they had their answer. It was the Ancients’ idea of a biological weapon and the results were not pretty. It was tremendously dangerous and unpredictable and thus why the research had been abandoned all those millennia ago. Explosive tumors were difficult to time, and hard to identify in a victim, thus leaving both protagonist and antagonist in danger. 

“Where is Watson?” Rodney bit out.

“They both scanned clean last night,” Carson said in disbelief. 

“Obviously that was one of the biggest problems the research had. There was no way of knowing, no flashing red badge that said, ‘Danger Walking Bomb. Could Explode Any Second!’ Where is Watson?!”

“He was among the injured,” Elizabeth answered. There was a moment of dead-air over the radio in which he could hear her talking to others in the background. “Yes,” Elizabeth addressed them again. “He’s gone into emergency surgery only just now. His injuries were bad but not life threating.

“Who is on the surgery?” Carson asked. 

“I believe it is Dr. Cole,” Elizabeth replied. 

“Elizabeth, we need to get the medical staff out of there,” Rodney commanded into the mic.

“Nonsense, Rodney!” Carson admonished. “They’ve likely already started surgery, we can’t just let the poor man die. We need to inform Sarah that if she can, she has to open him,” Carson was saying.

“We are already on it Carson,” she replied. 

Rodney looked at their distance read out on the HUD. They were still twenty five minutes out. 

About seven minutes later Elizabeth was on the radio again. “Dr. Cole has located the tumor and is the process of extracting….”

A deep boom sound over the Radio.

“Elizabeth!” Rodney shouted at the mic. 

“Rodney,” Elizabeth replied only a few heart beats later. She sounded a little shaken. “It… It must have detonated…. I don’t have details yet…. I’ll get back to you.”

“Oh dear God,” Carson said in a stricken tone.

Atlantis was dead ahead and only just visible on the horizon, but they both could see a heavy stream of dark smoke coming up from the south wing. As they got closer, it was obvious where the smoke was coming from.

“Oh dear Christ no!” Carson exclaimed as they both saw the hole blown out of the south tower medical center. Black smoke continued to billow out and stream up into the cheerfully bright afternoon sky.

~  
Monday

He lost five people, five good people. And how the bloody hell was he supposed to deal with that? The infirmary was the last place on that base people expected to get blown up in. Some of the wounded were next door in recovery and many of them received fresh injuries from the concussive shock of the blast. Fortunately the outward facing wall gave way to take the force of the explosion out from the more densely populated parts of the infirmary. The oxygen supply that ran to the room had fed the explosion, making it powerful enough to blow a hole through that wall. The first explosion that day had only been loud. The second had shook the south wing and broke interior windows. 

The fire was out and the bodies cleared. There was almost nothing left of Watson, like there had been very little left of Hewston. Dr. Cole, Dr. Nieve, Nurse practitioner Marie Song, and Surgical assistant Gina Blane had been inside the OR. Imaging tech Fiona Davis had just passed through the door. Out of all of them, Davis was the only one that was recognizable in any way other than general size.

Elizabeth didn’t ask for the standard full autopsies, which would have been required in such circumstances. All that was necessary was dental record identification. That had been a small blessing. Biro was beside herself in grief, and he wasn’t all that peachy at that moment either.

Carson stood next to Teyla’s bed, watching her sleep, grateful for the small mercy that the only thing she got from the second blast was a few torn stitches when she was jostled about. She opened her eyes and looked up at him.

“Hello, love,” he said.

“Carson.” She smiled at him. It was a wonderful smile. It was the smile of a person who saw that everything would be alright now that she was looking at her friend. 

Her hand moved to reach for him. He grabbed it, taking it into both of his own. 

“I’m so sorry I wasn’t there to take care of this for you,” he said.

“It is not your fault,” she said softly, her smile only dimming slightly. “I am all right. I was told that Dr. Biro handled my surgery.”

“She’s a fine pathologist, but an even better surgeon,” Carson admitted. “But in this place we all have to wear many hats, so to speak.”

She only looked confused for a second but Carson caught it. He often forgot that earth idioms were often lost on Athosians and other people of this galaxy. 

“We have to do many different jobs around here, is what I meant to say.”

“Yes,” she replied.

“Are you in pain?” Carson asked. “We have you due for an injection in a minute.”

“I am fine.” She squeezed his hands. “How are you?”

Carson smiled at her. Teyla was always so caring of her friends. It was her nature to worry for those she cared for before herself. 

“Don’t you worry about me, my dear. It’s been a long day, but I’ll survive.”

Teyla’s face furrowed to a frown. Her hand squeezed his tighter. “I had a strange dream, Carson,” she said softly. “I do not know how to describe it… it was… it was a bad dream… or a feeling….”

“Just the medication, love.” Carson reassured. “I know morphine is a bugger of a trip. When I take it, I wake up in the fetal position.”

“No, it was not like that,” Teyla said. Carson could tell she was swallowing her fear. “I dreamed… I thought that you had died….”

Lisa, the shift nurse was just approaching with the shot of pain medication. Carson stroked her hand in his. “Well, that is a bit of a scary dream.” He smiled at her. “But I’m here, love. It was only a dream. I’ll see about getting you on another pain med.”

He took the shot from Lisa who then prepped the IV port. Carson delivered the dose.

“For now, just relax and sleep. I’ll be here.”

~  
Teyla fell asleep only a few moments later, but Carson was still by her side when Ronon Dex came into the ward room.

“Doc,” he addressed Carson. “How is she?”

“She’s restin’ comfortably for now,” Carson said on a sigh. “Wee bit of a fever, but we have her on an antibiotic. The post op infection was probably due to the torn stitches.”

“She’s going to be fine,” Ronon said as more a statement than a question.

Carson looked up at him. “Aye, she will.”

The large warrior was eyeing Carson closely as if he was divining something in him. Carson was never comfortable under scrutiny and Ronon was renowned for his intimidation factor. Carson shifted on his feet, wondering what it was Ronon was looking for. It was only a half second later that he spoke.

“You lost people yesterday.”

“Aye,” Carson replied softly. He looked away from Ronon feeling distinctly uncomfortable.

“I lost my whole platoon during that last fire-fight with the Wraith,” Ronon said bluntly. “I know how it feels to lose people under your command.”

Carson still couldn’t face the man. He could barely process what he was saying. 

“Doc!” Ronon commanded his attention and Carson looked up sharply.

“If you need to talk….”

Carson understood and a corner of his mouth quirked up in a small grateful smile. “Thank you,” he said. 

Ronon stepped off to leave, squeezing Carson on his shoulder with one massive hand as he passed. Carson’s smile grew. That had been very kind of the man.

~  
He wandered down to the burnt out OR and recovery ward. The blast marks on the twisted metal of the outer wall was only partially covered by the plastic drop cloth that covered the hole. The cloth moved, sucking inward lightly and then sharply pushing out with the sea breezes that crossed the south tower. It reminded Carson of a ventilator on a critically ill patient. Each inward breath was not enough and each outward breath was too much.

On the charred tile floor, there was a metal box, a large tool chest the size of a child’s coffin, left by the damage control crews. By tomorrow, the place would be stripped bare and cleaning and repairing will begin. However, Carson did not envision that he would ever use the space as an OR again. How could he without thinking about Sarah, Marie, Robbie, Gina, and sweet little Fiona, five of the nine boxes sitting in the morgue waiting for transport back to earth.

He thought about what Ronon had said. Perhaps he was right. Perhaps Carson should talk to someone. He had never lost anyone under his direct supervision before. Perhaps he was experiencing survivor’s guilt. He wondered how military commanders like Ronon Dex and Col. Sheppard dealt with this constant strain.

Well, actually he did know that Sheppard didn’t always deal with it very well. He imagined that Ronon’s having spent seven years as a runner, he had had to put it all in perspective much faster to survive. Sheppard didn’t like losing people, and he went out of his way not to. However, when he did, you didn’t talk to him about it. You left him alone. The only people he would suffer to bring up the dead were his superiors, and he didn’t suffer that all too well.

There were no longer exterior door, so he didn’t hear when Rodney came in. Carson only heard foot falls crunching on charred and broken pieces of plastic debris that littered the two burnt out rooms. He looked up to see Rodney come into the OR proper. He walked over to the plastic covered hole in the wall, looking at the afternoon sunlight shining inside to light the blackened soot streaked remains of the room and the opaque view of the city and the sea. He then came over to the metal box and took a seat on the other end, his back to Carson’s.

Rodney sighed and his shoulders sagged as his body slumped, his back made contact with Carson’s. 

“It was a stupid mistake on my part,” Rodney said.

Carson frowned trying to see how that statement made any sense. “How is this your mistake then?” he asked critically. 

“I should have been absolutely clear about protocols when entering new and unexplored labs in this city. Think of how many times this has already happened.”

“I don’t see your meaning,” Carson said.

“Hm… you don’t remember the personal shield? The ascension device? The nanovirus? The mistakenly called civilization simulator game?” Rodney ticked off points on his hand as he continued in his usual condescending tone. “And the beat goes on.”

“None of this was your fault, Rodney.” 

Carson heard Rodney snort contemptuously. “Oh yeah? I’m their boss. I’m supposed to lead by example. Look at the example I set for them, stumbling from one ten thousand year old mouse trap to the next. I feel distinctly like a hypocrite right now, and I know I’ve had my more than my fair share of over confidence that has led us down the merry path of ‘Oh Fuck! We’re all going to die!’”

Carson sighed. There was no getting through to the man when he was on a rage. It was best to let him get it all out of his system. 

“Ronon was looking for you,” Rodney said, shifting gears to a calmer tone.

“I saw him,” Carson replied. “He caught up with me at Teyla’s bedside.”

“Oh,” Rodney said calmly. “Good. Is she still good?”

“Aye, still a little shaken, but she’s tough as nails. Bonny lass.”

“What did Ronon want?” Rodney asked.

“He knew this was the first time I’d ever lost personnel under my command, so to speak. He wanted me to know that he understood and could talk to me… if I needed that.”

“Yeah,” Rodney said. “Not that I’m keeping count like this is some macabre competition, but I’m still eight body bags ahead of you.”  
Carson grimaced and turned to McKay. “Rodney!”

“I’m just saying, I understand too,” he corrected. 

Carson turned back around, still a little disgusted with Rodney’s statement. After a moment, he felt Rodney straighten his back, but he did not get up. Instead, he leaned a little back against Carson so that their backs were against each other in a comforting alignment of constant pressure. Carson leaned back against him, equaling the pressure until they were supporting each other. They stayed that way for a while.

~  
Tuesday

Even in the midst of his own personal pain, Carson was still able to provide comfort. Rodney knew he couldn’t imagine his life now without that comfort. He came pretty close to throwing that comfort away. He could have easily just walked into the botany lab on Sunday secure in the knowledge that he would always have Carson as his friend to watch his back, but have Katie too. But as what? A distraction? A trophy? 

And what if it had been Carson in that OR? Rodney shivered at the thought. A life without Carson Beckett sounded a lot more bleak than Rodney wanted to imagine. Life was so short and so fragile, and true friends were so very rare. Now Carson was preparing to take Dr. Sarah Cole’s body through the stargate. She had family in Arizona, her father and a brother. Carson was taking her home personally. She had been a good friend of his. 

Rodney was not accompanying any of the personnel he lost through the gate. He had too much to do here on Atlantis, and although he was their boss, he was never their friend. That was how he liked it too. He liked the distance. It kept them all competitive. It kept them all sharp. And although he had let a few slip past the first barrier, like Zelenka, the fortress McKay was still sound. 

His team was another story. They were not his subordinates, so it seemed only fair and reasonable to count them as closer. They were what Rodney would call the inner circle of the board of directors. But If John, Teyla and Ronon were the inner circle, then Carson was chairman of the board. 

They had become a surrogate family to him, as he had told Jeannie once. He couldn’t imagine facing the loss of any of them. With that in mind, he started his day by visiting Teyla in the infirmary. She was recovering well but was still fighting a small post-operative infection. She smiled at him, that smile made of pure Teyla sunshine. It wasn’t the forced smile she sometimes gave to others she wanted to reassure. The nurse was about to clear her breakfast tray when Rodney made a grab at her uneaten berry and yogurt parfait. 

“You’re not going to eat that?” he asked wistfully. She laughed as she assured him that he could indeed have her parfait. And it was mostly to hear her laugh that he made that silly play for her food. He knew his appetite was a running joke with the team. Nevertheless, he shoveled the breakfast treat in as he tried to explain to her how he planned to dismantle that weapons lab.

He was finished and she looked tired when he saw Carson come through the ward past the far right divider. He was not wearing his standard issue uniform but a nice dark gray suit and tie. It looked so out of character on him that Rodney gave him a double take. 

Rodney pet Teyla’s hand and she smiled up at him with sleepy eyes, but her eyes slipped to her left meaningfully and then back up at him. Rodney smiled in what could have been construed as an acknowledgment. He left her side to walk over to where Carson was, standing before his small work station downloading data onto a flash drive.

“Hey,” Rodney said cautiously. 

“Oh, Hello, Rodney,” Carson replied as he swung about briefly to acknowledge him. He was wearing a baby blue tie that brought out the color of his eyes, but it was pitifully ill tied.

“Good God, look at that tie!” Rodney admonished. “I thought surgeons were supposed to have excellent manual dexterity. If you can suture an artery, you should be able to tie a tie.” 

Carson turned back to address him and Rodney grabbed the tie before he could react. He pulled the small end out of the knot and yanked the knot clear. 

“Never got use to wearin’ the bloody things,” Carson complained. “I miss the clip-ons one could get away with when I was just a lad.”

“You’re a Physician. You’re supposed to look professional.”

“Were I come from, a tie doesn’t necessarily make you a professional.”

“I guess not. I suppose a professional is someone who knows how to link sausages and which bladder to use to make the haggis.”

Carson sighed, dejectedly as if he didn’t even have the energy to give that last comment the reply it deserved, but he let Rodney retie his tie. Rodney pulled the new knot up snug but not too tightly and checked the small end’s length. He then tucked it into the tie tag to keep it neat. The new knot was just small enough to be smart and professional. Rodney preened it a few seconds more making sure it was straight and symmetrical. 

“There!” 

Carson blinked and pulled at his collar with a finger.

“Hey hey hey!” Rodney snapped impatiently. “Don’t mess up all my good work.”

“It’s damn tight!” Carson groused. “Are ya tryin’ to cut-off the blood supply to my brain?”

“Now who’s being a baby?” Rodney said but reached for the tie. He readjusted it a tad looser before Carson could reach up and wreak it. 

“Hey,” Rodney said in a softer voice. “You okay?”

Carson looked up and looked him in the eyes. “I’ll be fine, Rodney.”

Rodney smoothed down his tie one more time. Carson turned and ejected his flash from his work station lap top. He popped the lid back on it. 

“Just some reports I thought I’d present personally while I was back,” he explained. Rodney nodded in understanding. 

Over the past few years on Atlantis, Carson has taken some serious blow to his sense of ethics and his ego as a skilled geneticists. He had lost people he had felt personally responsible for and people he had learned to care about. But then again, they could all claim much of the same guilt and trauma. Rodney had had some pretty sobering moments over the years as well. The loss of Mark Collins and Peter Grodin were only just a few highlights into McKay’s personal hubris collider. It was like a particle collider but instead it broke a man’s ego down to the Quarks of his character, the Charms of his shame, and the Neutrinos of his id. 

“While I’m gone, please stay out of trouble, will ya? It’s a bugger of a headache worrying about what kind of mischief you can conjure when I’m here let alone when I’m away.”

“No monkey business, I promise.” Rodney smiled at him and smoothed the tie just one last time. 

“Good. I’ll have Ronon keepin’ an eye on you for good measure,” Carson said. 

“Oh because he _never_ gets us into _any_ trouble,” Rodney said sardonically. 

Carson snickered at that but then gave Rodney a final nod and a squeeze on the shoulder. Rodney watched as he walked away, heading out of the ward. Before he reached the doors, he was stopped by his colleague and protégé Jennifer Keller. She caught his attention and they walked out together with their heads close together in a private discussion.

~  
Friday

Arizona had been surreal to him. He had never been to this part of the United States and he had never seen a place so different as Tucson. The yard of Mr. Cole’s small house did not have grass. However, the landscaping was done in an interesting decorative gravel with a few fat, lovely cacti and bright desert roses. It was oppressively hot. Carson had made it through the funeral, sweating beneath his suit jacket, wondering why people would choose to live in that kind of bloody inferno heat.

But Sarah’s family had been kind, and everywhere indoors was mercifully air conditioned. Now it was Friday and he was back at the air force base, thankfully in a shirt and khakis. His suit was on a hanger and covered by a clear plastic bag. It was the best he could do on short notice. 

Just as everywhere else indoors in Arizona had been air conditioned, the small terminal at the base was not. One really couldn’t call it a proper terminal, however. It was more just a building with offices next to the hangers and the tarmac. 

Inside, the airman manning the desk was brisk and friendly, especially after Carson opened his mouth and spoke. A lot of Americans were instantly charmed by the sound of his accent. To them, a Scottish accent was exotic. It was Braveheart and Rob Roy and Brigadoon, and Scotland was a land of kilts, bagpipes and high adventure. But Carson knew it also could be a land of football hooligans and ugly, slur-spitting bastards in small dirty pubs in muddy villages. That was the local color at its not-so best. 

But Carson was polite about the instant appeal Americans seem to have for him due to his accent. He answered questions about where he was from in a friendly and courteous way. He tried to keep up the myth of the beautiful highlands, land of adventure, as best as he was able. It was always best to keep up the myth. It only served him, and he was sure, many of his other countrymen who passed through.

In this case, he used his charm and his talk of glassy lochs below wild mountains and heather covered foothills to get the airman to find him a faster ride to Cheyenne Mountain. He was in luck. A pair of F-22 Raptors were flying his way. He had been cleared for a seat on a transport plane that was already running two hours late, but the airman saw his credentials, security clearance, and the detail that listed him as a combat tested pilot and pulled some strings. Carson hadn’t realize that little detail of ‘combat pilot’ was now on his military clearance until just then and he wondered who in the bloody hell was responsible for that little piece of balderdash shite? Was it Sheppard, being a cheeky little prick? Or maybe it had been Sgt. Bates in some sort of mistaken idea of full disclosure. Whoever it had been, it didn’t matter now. He was climbing into the jump seat of the cockpit of an F-22 that was firing up to head north.

That was a blessing. He didn’t fancy sitting in that oven of a terminal for an extra two hours with nothing to do but think. Whenever he thought, his thoughts brought him back to Rodney. It had been roughly a year since The Kiss had started them all down a rabbit hole that Carson would have never predicted for his love life. It had been about five months since Laura said goodbye. He wondered how she was doing. But it had been two days since Rodney touched him last and asked if he was okay, and that memory burned in him hotter than Laura’s last kiss.

Laura had been right to point out to him that he had probably always had a crush on Rodney. But for the life of him, he couldn’t understand why. From the first, the man had been abrasive, condescending and a bit of a bully. But then there were moments, like that Tuesday before Carson headed out with Sarah’s coffin, when Rodney was fixing his tie. His hands moved with the gentle certainty of someone who was touching a person they knew they trusted and who trusted him. The dark blue of his eyes had been like the velvety color of the ocean before dawn. There was just something there in the very line and posture of him. Carson had seen it times before, like the time he tried to stop Carson from taking an MK-16 and head out to fight the Wraith and the time he had pushed him back down into the control chair and told him with firm conviction that he knew Carson could do it. He believed in him and he knew that he could make the chair do the right things.

Rodney affected him, and he guessed, in a small way, he affected Rodney. However, Rodney would never admit it. He had all but ordered him to pretend that The Kiss had never happened. Embarrassment and disgust had shone all over his face the one time Carson had brought it up, but he was sure the magnitude of the reaction had been a show for Sheppard and Elizabeth. 

“Heading back to NORAD, doc?” The pilot asked as he strapped in.

“Aye,” Carson replied as he adjusted the helmet so that the respirator dangled closer to his mouth. He knew he didn’t need it yet, and he knew the pilot would tell him if he needed to strap-on, but he just wanted to know it was ready and close when the time came.

 

“We are going to do a near vertical burn so you’ll need the mask for takeoff. Once we level off at cruising altitude, I’ll let you know if you can take it off,” the man said.

“Thank you,” Carson said, feeling more and more anxious about this.

“So what do you do at NORAD, or is that classified?” The pilot laughed. 

“If you only knew the half,” Carson chuckled.

The pilot didn’t say anything more and the canopy closed them in. Carson imagine Rodney would have been as antsy as a ewe at a rugby game after party in that tight cock pit. But Carson strapped in and strapped on and settled himself in his seat as they taxied out. 

The vertical burn at take-off was breath-taking literally as they pushed close to 10 Gs. Carson now understood why he had to put on the G suit as he felt the legs of it inflate incrementally to decrease blood flow to his lower extremities. But they leveled out soon enough and Carson was actually enjoying his ride. He didn’t mind flying as long as he wasn’t the person at the controls. He realized that the swiftness and crazy maneuverability of the jumpers made the F-22 feel like a prop plane. If it wasn’t for the excessive Gs, Carson would have been laughing about how babyish the ride felt. Give these things inertial dampeners like the X-302s and Carson was almost certain he could learn to fly one. 

However, he didn’t say any of that to his pilot who resumed with the small talk as soon as they were at cruising altitude. So it was back to ‘Scotland the Brave’ talk and dancing around what a Scottish doctor was doing at Cheyenne Mountain in the first place.

~  
Rodney spent two days stalking around the labs, quizzing every one of his personnel on proper procedure and reminding them daily that Atlantis could be a potential ten thousand year old booby-trap if they were not careful and they did not follow safety protocols. The only one he didn’t berate regularly was Zelenka. The man had triggered his own fair share of fun stuff to earn the exemption from the Rodney McKay, safety tyrant show. 

When Rodney wasn’t being the safety tyrant, Rodney and Zelenka were donning rad suits and going down to _that_ weapons lab. The dismantling was slow going mostly because the science behind the weapon was so very fascinating that they were often stopped in amazement just soaking in aspects of the specs. 

“Why did no one think to dismantle this lab before?” Radek asked as they worked.

“Probably because it wasn’t very high on the priority list with that big bad war going on, taking most of their attention,” Rodney replied. 

At night, Rodney laid on his bed and he worried. Sometimes when he closed his eyes all he could see was Carson’s face on that day when they had sat in his burnt out OR. His eyes had looked glassy and red-rimmed. He had looked heart broken and defeated and Rodney wanted to do something, but he just couldn’t. Instead he had leaned against Carson and let him lean back. And that stupid body bag comment was the most asinine thing to escape from his mouth ever. 

Well, there was nothing to gain by kicking himself over it. He just had to do better by Carson. Lord knew the man didn’t deserve half the shit he has had to put up with. Between the constant push of trying to find a way to help in their effort against the Wraith and madness of dealing with the chilling new illnesses and mishaps that can be caused just by being in another galaxy, Carson was on the receiving end of all their worst clean-ups sometimes. Rodney had seen why Carson had thought his solution to the Wraith problem had been better than causing the extinction of an entire race of people out of self-preservation. Genocide was ugly, and the war against the Wraith in the end was only just that. To stop the culling, they all had to die, or change. Carson opted for them to change. But what happened with Michael had only broke his heart and practically his spirit all over again. As if the disaster of Hoff just hadn’t been enough. 

But Carson hadn’t broke. Thank God, Carson hadn’t broke and it only showed to Rodney how very courageous his often times timorous acting friend was in reality. That courage was part of what attracted Rodney to him. 

It was interesting to Rodney how Carson dealt with him. He let Rodney rant and ramble, and nearly never tried to stop him. He pushed back only gently, in a way that made Rodney leave in a huff with an irritating little thought stuck in his head, making him think, making him see past his own self-conceit. That thought was almost always planted there by Carson. If there was a person who brought out Rodney’s so-called ‘better angels,’ it was him.

That Friday night before Carson was due to come back, Rodney tried to replace that vision of a heart broken Carson with another. The one that came readily to mind was him in his nice gray suit with the baby blue tie that accented his eyes. How could one burly, ex-secondary school wrestler-looking man with a constant 5 o’clock shadow have such beautiful eyes? Oh, and the dimples, Cadman loved his dimples…. Dammit! He was thinking of The Kiss, now. Why did that always happen? He blamed Cadman.

But he had to admit, she had made him see his friend in a different, and a perhaps slightly uncomfortable new light. Rodney had always fought the homosexual urges. After all, he liked girls well enough. He figured it had been some crazy phase thing he just never grew out of after adolescence. He never personally asked anyone else but he figured other guys got man-crushes too. Hell, look at the way Sheppard followed Ronon around. That had to be a man-crush, right? It was a real Bromance by all standards. 

The thing was, with Carson, it was becoming this big, all consuming thing. He wanted to like Katie Brown right back, but he couldn’t. He wanted to fantasize about Sam Carter but he didn’t. He just wanted to be near Carson. That was what he was afraid of the most. Despite what was said that night at dinner with Sheppard and Elizabeth, there was no way that Carson felt the same. And this stupid crush was threatening to kill Rodney. He couldn’t live with him and he couldn’t live without him.

What if they had made it to the fishing on the mainland? He would have listened to Carson ramble on about everything and nothing while Rodney’s heart silently shattered with no words, no sound, no clue to the love that was killing him. He loved Carson.

Rodney sat up in bed as he let that realization sink in. If he had not said yes to that trip he could have remained safe for a little while longer. If he had just knocked on the botany lab door, he would have held this all at bay for just a few days or weeks more. 

~  
Saturday

It was well after lunch time when Rodney reported to Elizabeth that the weapon’s lab dismantling was complete and he and Zelenka were heading out. She had asked them both report to the infirmary for a final check-out, just to satisfy her worry.

Radek shrugged at him after he took off his rad-suit helmet. Rodney shook his head and sighed but told her that they would comply.

What they found at the infirmary looked like the results of a mission gone south, and in the middle of the mayhem stood Carson Beckett. He was calmly looking over a Marine who was holding a bloody four by four sterile gaze pad against his forehead and had an impressive black eye. Off to the side, leaning against a wall stood Ronon Dex, arms folded with his usual enigmatic frown. There were four more marines, three on other exam beds and one standing next to two nurses with a mobile equipment cart. 

“What the hell happened here?” Rodney exclaimed as they walked in. “Oh, and welcome back Carson. Didn’t expect you to be back on the job today.”

Carson looked over at Rodney and gave him a half-smile. “Got in this morning, and dinnae fancy sitting on my bum for the remainder of the day. Hello to you too, and you, Radek.” He slung his stethoscope around his neck and took a step towards them.

“This lot are just a few marines that Ronon here took upon himself to school in the art of falling down.”

“Someone’s gotta teach the children,” Ronon rumbled deadpan, but it was easy to see the amused twinkle in his eyes.

“Aye, and I’ve had school masters who would have scared the piss ‘n snot outta you too,” Carson said back with a chuckle. The big warrior smiled warmly at him.

“Good, doc. Maybe I’ll see you in the gym sometime. If you survived them, I’m sure you’ll survive me.”

“That I certainly doubt,” Carson replied.

“I think he does it to have an excuse to come down here and give us a hard time,” Dr. Keller added as she was helping a marine who looked to have dislocated his shoulder.

Ronon shrugged. “It’s a hobby.”

“What’s that then, bustin’ heads?” Carson admonished.

“No, giving medical personnel a hard time,” Ronon replied. He then shrugged himself off the wall he was leaning on and walked past Carson, patting his shoulder as he passed. “Let me know when you’re ready for that spar, doc.” He then stalked out of the infirmary past Rodney and Radek.

“Carson’s gonna get his ass kicked,” Keller sing-songed softly with a giggle.

“Cheeky lil’ bugger, and you! Behave!” Carson pointed a finger at the other doctor. He then turned back to Rodney and Radek. “What can I do for you, gentlemen?”

“Elizabeth sent us down for a screening as a precaution,” Radek replied. “We just finished with the tumor weapon lab.”

“All right then,” Carson said briskly as he motioned for one of his lab techs. “Over here and give Maddie some blood.”

“What are you looking for,” Rodney asked.

“Well, based on the bloodwork that was able to be done on Dr. Watson before he went into surgery, his blood showed acute deficiency in sodium, phosphorous and magnesium. You have told me that the weapon drew trace minerals and element from the person’s body to create the tumor. Not only are those elements essential in tissue making but also have potential explosive properties when combined with common compounds…”

“Such as water,” Rodney finished for him.

“Aye, it’s not much to go on, but it’s better than nothing at all.” He said.

Rodney began to roll his sleeve back to submit to the blood test. The lab tech, Maddie was already working on Zelenka’s arm. Carson reached for a fresh collection needle in her carry tray.

“I got it, Carson,” Dr. Keller said, taking the needle before he could and grabbing an evac-tube. “You really shouldn’t be here. It’s your day off,” she added. She bustled Carson out of the way and grabbed Rodney’s arm. 

“Stop harrying me, woman! I’ll not be ordered about my own hospital like a first year resident,” Carson complained. But Dr. Keller only grinned at him. 

“Don’t be so dramatic,” she said. “Why don’t you go and take a breather, maybe head down to the gym and let Ronon throw you around for a little.”

“You’d pay a pretty penny to see that, I’m sure,” Carson replied. He still sounded peevish but his eyes twinkled with laughter. They continued to banter, paying little attention to McKay as Dr. Keller drew his blood with deft efficiency.

It was then that Rodney realized something. He wasn’t competing with just the memory of Laura Cadman for Carson’s attention any more.

“Ow!” Rodney groused as she extracted the needle. “If you two are done playing footsie while you jab me with a monster needle, I’ll be off.”

“Not so fast, Rodney,” Carson said as Keller bandaged him. “You’ll tell me if you develop any headaches, weakness or trouble breathing.”

“Yes-yes-yes-yes, of course,” he replied impatiently. 

“All right, off with you both,” Carson said to both him and Zelenka. 

~  
When Rodney got back to his lab, he realized with a jolt of disbelief that turned to dread, that it wasn’t just Jennifer Keller who had been flirting with Carson. Ronon may have possibly been flirting with Carson too!

That was it. He didn’t have a snowball’s chance. He was doomed.

~  
Sunday (one week later)

Teyla was released from the infirmary, but it would be another three weeks before she was to be cleared for active duty. That meant the team had down time, which was good. Some of Rodney’s personnel had come across data in the city’s archives about a mobile deep sea laboratory. It was a tremendous find and it promised to hold a lot of fascinating data concerning the Ancient’s research into alternative energy sources. 

He had all the time necessary to make sure they did this by the book! He had plans and he was assembling a team. 

“Drs. Dickenson, Esposito, Simpson, Coleman and Grayson… er… Graydon? Whatever.”

Yes, it was Sunday again, but no one seemed interested in taking a mandatory rest day this time. It seemed that they all collectively decided to just live with the five day work week schedule their department heads handed to them and worry about having city wide holidays some other time. The last Sunday-holiday had just been too brutal for some. The pain and loss was still too raw. 

Rodney was only working because the discovery of the sea lab was just too exciting to ignore. It was possibly the hugest find yet in available geothermal energy if they could access it and get the systems back on line. The possibilities were major. Proper channeling could solve their city shield problem and maybe even make it possible for them to shield and cloak at the same time!

It was pretty close to lunchtime when he realized he had a horrible headache. Normally, Rodney would have taken two ibuprofen and then wandered down to the commissary for a bite. Many of his headaches were cured easily enough by pain meds and food. It was one of the reasons Rodney never ignored hunger. This time, however, he recalled Carson’s warning. Rodney made his way from his labs to the infirmary in near record time.

Carson was there. 

“I have a headache,” Rodney said. “Do you think I’ll explode?”

Carson looked at him. “Well, we’ll run some test to be certain, but your blood value levels yesterday were fine.”

“Yeah, but that was yesterday,” Rodney could hear his own voice squeaking a bit in anxiety. 

They took more blood and then Carson himself ran the imaging on him. Rodney noticed that he shooed the other techs and nurses out casually, sending them on various errands and assignments. He calmly and casually cleared the ward in a way that no one would ever know was an actual safety precaution. Rodney knew, though. 

“I’m not seeing a tumor forming behind either the left or right upper lobe of your lungs. A far as my scan can tell, you are as right as rain, Rodney.”

“Then why the headache?” he complained from his place on the imaging table. 

“When was the last time you ate?” Carson asked.

Rodney frowned and thought about it. Just then, his stomach growled loudly. 

~  
Carson went with him down to the commissary where they grabbed a few sandwiches. He then suggested that they go and take their lunch on the west pier.

“The fresh air will do you good, Rodney.”

Rodney frowned at the thought but followed Carson any way. The west pier was a popular dinner spot due to the spectacular sunsets, but now, at lunch, it had only a handful of other diners. They took a seat at the edge, away from a group of three young mission scientist who were enjoying the sunshine.

“It’s a gorgeous day,” Carson said with a content sigh as he looked out at the blue sky. 

“It was a gorgeous day last Sunday too,” Rodney said a bit sullenly. 

They were quiet for a while, finishing there meal and sipping on their coffee. 

“You’re certain I haven’t developed an exploding tumor,” Rodney said after he finished his coffee.

“I’m certain,” Carson said simply. 

Rodney thought about it. Of all the thing Carson could have said, of all the way he could have had a bit of fun at Rodney’s expense with this, Carson didn’t. It was too soon to be light about it. He looked over at his friend, feeling gratitude at that moment.

“Thank you,” Rodney said.

Carson looked back at him and smiled. They were sitting close, their shoulders almost touching. Carson looked back out across the waves, but Rodney felt him lean just a bit so that their shoulders touched. Carson stayed that way, firm and comfortable and Rodney leaned back against him so that they were supporting each other’s weight again. 

“I suggest you take the rest of the day off, Rodney,” Carson said. “That headache was probably mostly stress.”

“When am I not under stress?” Rodney groused. “In my lab or in my quarters, I’ll be stressed.”

“Then get out. Get a change of scenery,” Carson suggested. “You can come with Teyla and me to the settlement.”

“You’re going to the mainland today?”

“Aye, she wants to spend a part of her convalescence among her people. I thought it was a brilliant notion, and I know there’s a lad there she’s been moonin’ over.”

“Um…” Rodney snapped his fingers as he tried to recall what he had heard. “Kanaan… I think.”

“You know about him?”

“She’s one of my team,” Rodney said in explanation. “We know a lot of things about each other.”

Carson chuckled. “I didn’t know his name,” he said. 

“Oh.”

“Well, a nice trip to the settlement might do you some good, and you can give me a hand with Teyla and her things. She’s bonny strong lass but this injury has done her in more than she would care to admit.”

“Yeah, well, internal bleeding is nothing to take lightly,” Rodney replied with light sarcasm. 

“Then you’ll come?” Carson asked.

“If you think it will help this headache, then sure,” Rodney replied.

~  
“Are you sure I’m not going to explode?” Rodney asked as they put Teyla’s bags into the jumper. Teyla was talking with Elizabeth and would be down to the jumper bay shortly. Carson had volunteered himself and Rodney to take her luggage to the ship.

This time Carson huffed in annoyance and gave Rodney a threatening glare. “Would I really be loading you into a jumper with myself and Teyla and transporting you away from modern medical facilities if I thought for a second that you were about to bloody explode?!”

Rodney frowned and shrugged but he didn’t reply. He just continued into the jumper with Teyla’s bag.

“What has she got in here? Bowling balls?” he complained.

Teyla appeared at the back of the Jumper as Rodney was sitting the bag down. “There are some essential tomes of agriculture that are needed by my people in that bag.” Teyla replied.

“Books?” Rodney said peevishly. 

“We traded with the Menarians for this knowledge. The climate and soil type on the mainland makes many of these methods relevant,” she said.

Rodney gave a put-upon sigh but arranged the bags in the back hold. He noticed how differently Teyla was moving. She was just a half beat slower and moved more gingerly, perhaps. She wasn’t her pure panther grace and raw strength self. The internal injuries had affected her even more than Rodney had been aware. It was a bit disconcerting. 

He gave the co-pilot chair to Teyla and he took the seat behind the pilot chair. 

“So, where will you be stayin’, if you don’t mind me askin’?” Carson asked Teyla once they were twenty minutes into the flight.

“Halling, has offered to put me in his tent, but I may stay with Morgina,” she answered. “Her mate is out on a long hunt, and is not expected back for many days. Morgina is expecting her first child. I think she will appreciate the company.”

“You’ll not be staying with your young man then?” Carson asked with a playful smile. 

“Carson,” Rodney scolded.

Teyla laughed. “We are not quite at that point yet,” she answered. “I wonder if we will ever get there now that Ronon has informed me that as I no longer have an adult male relative to scrutinize potential suitors, he will be taking up that role.”

“And John and me,” Rodney added. “Gotta walk him past John and me as well, for sure.”

Teyla laughed again. “And what will you be looking for in any potential mate for me?” She asked.

Rodney thought about it. “Well, he’s got to be smart. If he’s as least as smart as Zelenka or Carson, that’ll do. I don’t expect you’ll find any one as smart as me... except me, of course.”

Carson chuckled and shook his head. Teyla laughed more.

“Good provider,” Rodney continued. “Good temperament. Hot heads need not apply. See, someone like Ronon would never make it past the front door if it was up to me.”

“You do realize that when he’s not bustin’ heads, Ronon can be an amazingly kind and caring person,” Carson said.

“And how would you know?” Rodney asked a little resentfully. “He’s my team mate. Have you suddenly developed a deep and personal relationship with him?”

“I wouldn’t call it that, but we talk now and again,” Carson said. 

“Hmph!” Rodney snorted.

“Is this you being jealous again?” Carson asked lightly.

“What? No!” Rodney protested. “I just wondered how you became so authoritative about the life and times of Ronon Dex.”

“It does sound like you are jealous,” Telya agreed with a giggle in her voice.

“I’m not jealous,” Rodney grumped peevishly. “And anyhow, watch yourself, missy, or I’ll give ol’ Kanaan the thumbs down.”

“How did you hear his name?” Teyla swung about on her seat in surprise but there was still a smile on her face.

“A little bird may have told me,” Rodney replied a little sheepishly. 

“By bird, do you mean a certain Lt. Colonel who certainly has a command of flight as well as any real avian?” Carson said. 

“Oh! Sheppard!” Teyla growled, slapping a balled fist into the palm of her other hand.

“Don’t be so upset,” Rodney said. “We’re your team; you are our family. We care.”

Teyla smiled again and laughed. “I could not ask for better brothers, but like true sibling, you still drive me mad.”

~  
There was already a jumper in the landing clearing, but that wasn’t unusual. There could often be as many as four jumpers on the mainland on any given day. Carson grabbed his medical bag and slung it over his shoulder before he picked up two of Teyla’s packs. Rodney grabbed the bag with books again.

Halling met them at the clearing, touching his forehead to Teyla’s and directing Jinto and another young man to take Teyla’s things from Carson and Rodney. Teyla thanked them both and let Halling lead her away to settle her in her temporary home.

“Now what?” Rodney asked as he turned to Carson.

Carson looked at him, he could tell just by the less creased condition of Rodney’s forehead and the color in his cheeks that the headache was on the decline. It was amazing how very readable Rodney was. The thought made Carson smile.

“What?” Rodney said accusatorily. 

Carson sighed. “Ah well then, I’m just going to check on the clinic for a second. You can come if you want.”

“What else have I to do here?” Rodney asked testily. 

“I don’t know. Enjoy the sunshine? Talk to the folks? Or sit in the jumper and sulk. It’s your choice.”

“I don’t know why I let you talk me into this,” Rodney grumbled, but he followed Carson. 

The clinic was manned daily by two nurse practitioners and visited twice a week by an Atlantean physician. Carson was not due to visit yet, but he knew better than to stop by the mainland and expect to not be needed or wanted. 

On the whole, the Athosians were a very healthy people due to their diet and excellent immune systems. That still didn’t stop the occasional accident from happening. Also new to the Athosians, from their contact with the earth expedition culture and use antiparasitics and of antibacterial agents has been an increase in childhood allergies. Immune systems with nothing to attack will soon attack the self. It was the risk they took when the introduced antiparasitics such as Ivermectin and Rifampicin to the Athosians. 

Carson knew as soon as he got there, word had spread that he was on the mainland. The clinic, which normally saw only a few patients a week had at least three families already within. He knew these families. They all had young children with health conditions, two of which were the new allergy sufferers. Carson went to the nurse on shift, an American named Adam.

“They just get here?” he asked.

“Am-hm,” Adam nodded in affirmative.

“Ok,” Carson said as he handed him his bag. “Let’s see the wee one first. I imagine there has been an issue with her formula if her mum has her here so soon.”

Carson looked over in time to see Rodney cross his arms and glare at a young boy who was looking at him in interest while casually picking his nose. Rodney was not very good around children and Carson knew this. He expressed a universal dislike of children in fact, with the only noticeable exception being his niece Madison who he claimed “isn’t so bad once you get use to her.” However, the Athosian children were well behaved and well under the control of their parents who often caution them firmly about being disruptive when adults are doing important work. 

Despite the apparent crowd, it only took Carson a few hours to consult with all the patients and patients’ parents as to needed changes, adjustments or additions to health regimens. Only one had to have an appointment made on Atlantis for follow-up testing to be done at a later date. 

It was late afternoon when they finally left the clinic and headed back to the jumper clearing.

“Well that was a complete waste of my afternoon,” Rodney said as they settled in for the ride back. But Carson could tell by the look in his eyes and the brisk way he moved, his stress headache was gone. Mission accomplished. The flight back was the proof that Rodney was feeling much better as he went on about the new find that his team of scientist where working on. Carson just allowed him to continue on about the undersea geothermal platform and all the potential it had for them in future energy gains. He made sure to sound reasonably interested, even asking questions about it as would pertain to his section’s usages of the new power. However, what Carson was really listening for was any little stressful squeak or change of tone in Rodney’s voice that could indicate that something about this project was causing him grief enough to give him other headaches and upset stomach. The enthusiasm was good, but the stress was bad, especially for his blood pressure. Carson had considered putting him on blood pressure medication but figure it would be counterproductive in the long term. The hypertension was only borderline but if given a new reason to worry about his health, Rodney would push it well past the line in a matter of days.

They landed in Atlantis near dinner time.

“Thank you Carson for a thoroughly unproductive waste of a day,” Rodney said before he stormed off towards the commissary. 

Carson watched him walk away with a small smile that shone more in his eyes than on his lips.


	2. part two

Monday

Sheppard called out to him as he came into the dining area carrying his tray with a blueberry muffin, a banana and hot coffee. Rodney was already sitting at the table consuming scrambled eggs and Ronon was contently munching on toast.

“Doc, over here!”

Carson came over to join them.

“Why, I wonder, does he enjoy the nickname of ‘doc’ when I have to point out that people with actual doctoral degrees are doctors more so than physicians?” Rodney asked in his brightest early morning petty tone.

“Why does it matter to you?” Ronon asked in a low dispassionate tone. 

“Because it shows that we wrongly bestow a title to people in a profession who actually don’t earn it.” Rodney replied irascibly at him.

“I have PhD in molecular genetics,” Carson said.

“So there,” Ronon said to Rodney. “Looks like Doc is a doc. What do you have to say about that?”

“That’s not the point,” Rodney began, but Sheppard stopped him from going any further by giving him a glare.

Colonel Sheppard then turned to Carson with a pleasant smile. “Well, good morning, now that we got that pesky issue about your credentials out of the way.”

“Good morning to you too,” Carson said with a chuckle. Carson liked the way John Sheppard could make all of Rodney’s most inelegant prattling into the setup to a truly great joke that only he could deliver straight-faced.

“Rumor has it that you caught a ride on an F-22 raptor last time you were on earth,” Sheppard asked in a sly tone.

“I may have… How did you find that out?” Carson asked in response.

“Wait, what? What’s an F-22 raptor and why is that a deal?” Rodney asked.

“In answer to your question, Carson, I’m the military commander of this base. I know lots of things. In answer to you, Rodney, shut up and find out.”

Ronon gave a low satisfied chuckle in the background.

“I actually got it from another pilot who told me that a friend of his gave an emergency lift to some doctor from Scotland back to NORAD.”

“I didnae tell him anything about what I was up to. The lad was curious but I was able to steer him off.” Carson felt a small twinge of panic when he thought this was about to become a dress-down about loose-lips. He tried to think back to that day to anything he could have said that could have been construed as a breach of security.

Sheppard must have saw the panic in his eyes. He smiled. “No, doc, nothing like that. It’s just that not even I have been in the jump seat of one of those. How was the ride?”

Carson smiled in relief and then in enthusiasm as he remembered. “Oh it was quite the rush! Took my breath, exhilarating, but still not quite like a jumper.”

“That’s what people tell me,” Sheppard said.

“Aye,” Carson said, warming up to the topic now. “It can’t maneuver in the tight turns like a jumper at all.”

“The Gs would tear the craft apart,” Rodney added in. “Jumpers can take it.”

“Still,” Carson continued, “amazing ride.”

“I use to think I wanted to fly one,” Sheppard said. “Then I flew a 302.”

“Aye.” Carson smiled. “Enough said.”

“So you’re saying that if someone can master a jumper, they could take on something like an F-22 or an EF Typhoon?” Rodney asked incredulously.

“Of course not,” Sheppard replied. “Takes a special kind of person to do that many Gs. By the way, Doc, nice job not passing out at any point in the flight.”

“It’s not like my body didn’t try to give it a go.”

“Still, you may have the so called ‘right stuff.’” Sheppard said with a proud smile. “Astro-doc, that’s your new nickname.”

“And by the way,” Carson said sternly at Sheppard. “What’s all this about me being a combat pilot? It was the only reason the lad at military airport thought it was all right to put me in a fighter jet heading to Colorado in the first place.”

“Well,” Sheppard said sheepishly. “That may have been my fault. Look, I had to list all my pilots and how many hours they have spent in flight and under what condition, combat verses non-combat.” He added defensively.

“And I’m a bloody combat pilot?” Carson complained.

“And what about me?” Rodney interjected. 

“Yes, you are, Carson. You have flown in a battle situation, fired upon an enemy and have had an enemy fire upon you. Technically, that makes you a combat pilot.”

“And what about me?” Rodney asked again.

“You, not so much,” Sheppard said reluctantly with a shrug. 

“What?!” Rodney shouted indignantly. 

“You haven’t flown in combat,” Sheppard said.

“What about that time… or that other time…” He snapped his fingers as he tried to pull up a time in his memory. “Sateda! That was a combat situation!”

“That was troop deployment and retrieval”

“But we fired upon the enemy.”

“If I recall correctly, Carson did all the shooting. You just flew the jumper, and not all that attentively as I remember it.” Sheppard said.

“This isn’t fair!” Rodney protested indignantly. 

“You didn’t meet all the criteria,” Ronon said softly with an amused look on his face.

“I’m not so certain this is at all fair to myself,” Carson said. “I’m no bloody combat pilot!”

“If it were up to me, Carson, I would rather you stick to medicine and leave the aero-combat to folks like me, but it’s not totally up to me,” Sheppard said. “I have to consider all my available options as a wartime commander. You have combat flight experience that makes you a commodity I can’t lightly over look.”

Carson frowned and gave an angry huff of a sigh.

“I’ll try to keep you outta dog fights in the future, doc, but in an emergency….”

“Aye, I suppose. But it best be a dire emergency.”

“It’ll be the direst,” Sheppard replied and then frowned at his own words, re- mouthing them as if he doubted the soundness of the grammar and vocabulary usage. 

~  
“Why are you so mean to him,” Ronon asked.

Carson had finished his coffee and banana but took his muffin with him as he headed off to start his day in the infirmary and med labs. Rodney was still at the table with Sheppard and Ronon. He looked up from his heaping plate of cooling scrambled eggs and bacon. 

“What?”

“Doctor Beckett,” Ronon clarified to him. “Why are you always belittling him, bringing him down?”

Rodney looked over at Sheppard first as he didn’t quite believe he was hearing what he was hearing. However, John gave him only a blank stare and a nod as if he should just answer a reasonable question. Nonetheless, it wasn’t a reasonable question as far as Rodney was concerned. 

Mean? To Carson? Was that what Ronon was talking about? Rodney smiled as he realized the simple misunderstanding that Ronon was working under.

“Carson’s my best friend. We joke. We kid each other a lot. That’s what best friends do.”

“I hadn’t noticed him ‘kidding’ you back,” Ronon observed. 

“He does,” Rodney replied, feeling more than a little on the defensive. “You just aren’t always there to see it.”

“No,” Ronon agreed. “All I see is you telling him he’s not important, or at least not as important as you.”

“You have to admit, without me we would all have been dead a dozen times over.”

“Without him you would have been dead, and just once is enough,” Ronon said expressionless.  
“He’s got a point, Rodney.” Sheppard agreed. “Without Carson, you’d been dead a few times, not to mention the fact that without Carson, you wouldn’t have the ATA gene right now.”

“So why do you treat him like he’s some sort of second class citizen?” Ronon asked.

“Look, just because I don’t think medicine is true science doesn’t mean I think Carson is worthless.” Rodney could feel the heat of anger rushing to his face. How could Ronon understand the deep and serious connection that he and Carson shared? How dare he assume that there was anything less than respect and trust between them? So, they joked. Carson understood him. Carson knew him better than any other person in all of Atlantis. 

“No,” Ronon shook his head. “He has his uses when you come down with a cough or a splinter.”

Rodney hit critical mass, slapping his hand down on the table, he stood suddenly. “I don’t expect you to understand the kind of intellectual exchange I have with Carson, and I certainly don’t invite you to witness our more philosophical conversations and discussions. Besides being a waste of good vocabulary, it probably wouldn’t interest you as it concerns thing beyond ‘which kill setting is better – blast or disintegrate,’ or ‘will it work better if I hit it with this club.’”

Rodney stormed away from the table, not wanting to hear their response, if they had any. His hands clinched into fist and his face felt burning hot. He hadn’t been this mad in a while. He didn’t look back, but he knew what they were doing. John was probably half-heartedly telling Ronon he shouldn’t be so rough on Rodney. The Neanderthal would just shrug and continue eating.

~  
Tuesday

Rodney had spent the rest of yesterday in the lab. He hadn’t felt like being social after that morning. In fact, he spent the next few hours so angry he couldn’t concentrate well. He hated being that angry. It made his mouth taste funny, like he had been sucking on something metal and it made his chest feel tight. He preferred feeling scared than feeling that level of angry. Last time he felt it, Jeannie and he had stopped talking to each other for close to seven years. 

But Rodney knew he would talk to Ronon again. He had to. They were part of a team and there was just somethings that people on a team had to suck-up and push aside. But how dare Ronon act as if he knew anything about him and Carson?! Every time that one sentence replayed in his mind it made the anger flare anew and the metal taste in his mouth refresh and the tightness in his chest pinch a bit tighter. 

Eventually, by dinnertime, Rodney’s anger had abated and he was able to put his full concentration on looking carefully over the undersea platform’s last data dump to gain clue to its last known location. However, to be on the safe side, he ran down to the commissary and grabbed a to-go supper early to avoid having to spend it in company with anyone other than his work station computer.

Tuesday morning was better. He took breakfast with Sheppard and Elizabeth and no one brought up anything about Monday. In fact, they were interested in the progress he had made on this new venture. He was able to talk with enthusiasm about how they may proceed soon to probe the platform to be certain if it is still airtight and salvageable. All indications suggested that it was. Unlike the city when it was on the ocean floor, the platform did not rely on a force field to keep the ocean pressures out. The structure had been built to withstand deep sea pressures. And, fortunately in this case, the Ancients were good at building things to last. 

That whole breakfast conversation left him in a better mood than he had been in for a couple of day. He should have known it wouldn’t last. Sheppard walked into his lab later that morning.

“Hey Rodney,” he said congenially. 

Rodney looked up and sighed with a small eye roll as he recognized that he was about to be sidetracked in a way that probably would not be pleasant. 

“Yes, John?” he said impatiently.

“Well, geez don’t get your boxers in a bunch yet,” Sheppard said frowning at him. 

“I have a lot I want to get done today,” Rodney explained, “and a carefully planned out timeline in which to do it. I didn’t account for distractions.”

“Sorry,” John said, but he didn’t sound sorry at all. “Look, I just wanted to talk to you about yesterday at breakfast.”

“If you are talking about the combat pilot thing, I am so over that. As I think on it, it’s a bullet well dodged.” Rodney offered him a satisfied smile.

“No, not that,” Sheppard said. Then his frown took on an uncomfortable look. “I’m actually more concerned about the small altercation you had with Ronon.”

Rodney felt his chest clinch again as John reminded him of his anger of yesterday. Rodney frowned. Sheppard had his full attention now. John looked about the lab, noticing the only scientist there, picking up some notebook computers and heading to the doors. He waited until the doors shut behind them.

“I noticed how angry you were when you left the table,” John said.

“So?” Rodney said defensively. “It’s not the first time I’ve been angered by him!”

“No, it’s not,” John agreed, “but he was pretty damn livid too.”

“So?” Rodney repeated, folding his arms over his chest in defiance. 

“So, I think there are a few things I need to explain to you about Ronon, if we intend to function together as a team.”

“If you want me to apologize to that hulking, sword welding Neanderthal then you’ve got another thing coming…”

“No, I’m not asking that,” John said quickly. “Just hear me out, okay?”

Rodney let his posture relax a bit in response. 

“I’ve spent some time with him, and I’ve gotten him to open up a bit. I’ve learned about his life, his people, some of the culture… you know the drill.”

Rodney rolled his eyes at him. “Is this about a Sateda ‘faux pas’?” Rodney asked offering the air quotes as well.

“No,” John replied. “Look, on Sateda, from what I understand… um sexuality… orientation… it’s fluid, and….”

“Are you trying to tell me that Ronon has the hots for Carson?” Rodney ask incredulously.

“No,” John said immediately but then shook his head. “I don’t know. It’s a… possibility. What I do know is that Ronon’s previous significant other was a girl and she was also a physician.”

“Okay,” Rodney said re folding his arms across his chest, but this time in attentiveness.

“Before that, he may have been the lover of a former commanding officer… Male commanding officer.”

“Hm,” Rodney replied in interest. 

“I think that maybe… and this is just me conjecturing… Ronon has a soft spot for compassionate medical professionals.”

“So you are saying that Ronon is bisexual and he may like Carson, a lot,” Rodney extrapolated.

“According to Ronon, bisexual is the norm on Sateda, but let’s just keep that intel between the team. There are a lot of military here that get a little antsy when you bring up sexual orientation.”

“Yes, I am aware of your famous American family values, the cause of so much bigotry and hate.” 

“Hey, I don’t buy into the bullshit,” Sheppard replied defensively. 

“Good,” Rodney said. “Another reason to rest assured that my respect is well placed.”

“I just think you should go a little easy on Carson when the big guy is around. Ronon’s getting more and more protective and territorial around him…”

“Hey! Carson was my best friend first long before the incredible hulk step foot through our stargate.”

“I know,” John said. “I get it. Just humor me McKay, can’t you?”

“Why should I let _him_ dictate what kind of relationship I have with my best friend?”

“Come on, Rodney….”

“Nonononono! How dare he! Carson and I have been friends since Antarctica and I’m not about to pretend that friendship doesn’t exist to satisfy the rutting instinct of our favorite pet bully!” Rodney was nearly screaming at Sheppard by this point, although he didn’t realize it.

“Whoa! Never mind!” John said.

“What?”

“I didn’t realize I was stepping in on a love triangle,” John replied. He then turned and left, leaving Rodney in stunned, open mouth silence.

~  
It was later that evening, when Rodney really calmed down and reviewed that conversation that he realized what his apparent overreaction must have looked like and why John had said what he had said. Rodney ground his teeth in self-annoyance. 

“Good job, McKay,” he growled out to himself. “Now Sheppard thinks he has to keep us separated.”

But what if John was right? What if Ronon was interested in Carson? What if he really had been flirting with Carson that Saturday in the infirmary? What did it all mean? What did it mean to Carson? What would it mean for him?

He had already admitted to himself that what he felt for Carson had moved beyond friendship. He couldn’t slip back into denial so easily this time. This wasn’t about an adolescent’s fantasy of “what if?”

He remembered his first true infatuation with another boy when he was in ninth grade. The boy had been an eleventh grader who attended the same preparatory school as Rodney. The boy had been an anomaly of the best kind, a non-bulling athlete with a heart of gold and an IQ well above average. He was so good and kind and sensitive and sweet, there wasn’t a girl in the whole school who wasn’t in love with him. And Rodney was certain that more than a few boys other than himself were in love too.

It had been easy to pretend it wasn’t completely about the boy. The boy had been dating one of the hottest girl in the whole school, a blonde haired ballerina type. It was easy to let his fantasies be about the boy and his girlfriend together. What did the boy do to her when they were alone? How excited did he get? What did she do with that excitement? But soon the fantasies had easily slipped into what did the boy do to himself when he thought about what he could do with his girlfriend? It had been that simple.  
It wasn’t until college and the duo catalysts of stress and freedom in excess that Rodney had ever let a fantasy slip past that and into what would he, Rodney, do to the boy if he found him excited like he could get with his girlfriend? Would he use his mouth? His hands?

The Genie was out of the lamp. Now it was out of the lamp with Carson. 

Rodney’s frown soured considerably as he tried to wrap his head around all that this meant for him in the long run. He didn’t want to just stop being Carson’s friend, but he couldn’t just keep pushing him away the way he always did. And what if something more became of Carson and Ronon, or even Carson and Jennifer Keller? What would he do then? Putter on with a broken heart, hiding it behind his best display of professional arrogance to bandage his self-esteem?

He needed a drink. Fortunately, he had whiskey.

~  
Wednesday

Drinking the night before had helped him comfortably get to sleep. However, Rodney was not that practiced as a drinker and even a little over indulgence could play havoc to his brain. He wasn’t too surprised to wake up with a dry mouth and a headache. 

He frowned in his mirror at himself. He had only himself to blame, but he figured the headache had been worth the eight uninterrupted hours of sleep. He reached for his bottle of ibuprofen off the shelf below the bathroom mirror. 

It was empty. 

It was now that Rodney said out loud a few explicative so out of his normal range and character, they would have made Sheppard’s eyebrows raise. 

Dressed for the day, he ventured out towards the commissary and breakfast with the evilest, sour frown he could ever remember gracing his face. Headaches sucked. At least now he was certain he wasn’t going to blow to pieces over it. He would stop by the infirmary after breakfast and get more ibuprofen. However, first things first. Breakfast would only help him.

He got his coffee and was heading towards the baked goods when he felt a hand on his arm.

“Rodney?” Carson’s voice was soft and full of concern. 

Rodney turned to look at him. “Headache,” he said simply.

“I can see that,” Carson replied. He then grabbed a couple of blueberry muffins and took Rodney by the arm. “Come on then.”

He put one of the muffins in Rodney’s hand as he drew him out of the commissary proper and into the hall. Rodney took the cue and started munching on the muffin top.

“I’m fine,” he said around a mouthful. He knew Carson was pulling him off to the infirmary. “I just ran out of ibuprofen. I was going to get more later.”

“Nonsense. I know you. You’d get to your work and let it go and then stress it to a migraine.”

“Look, I had a drink last night to get to sleep. A nightcap. Now I’m paying for it,” Rodney said defensively.

“Couldn’t sleep? And why is that? Stress! I’m going to start having you self-monitor your own blood pressure.”

Rodney sighed in indignation. “God, Carson! You worry too much.”

“Aye, I do. Someone has to worry about you. Leave it to yourself and you’ll make a right mess of it,” Carson scolded. He continued to pull Rodney along, heading them to one of the city’s lift/transport stations.

“Careful! The coffee,” Rodney complained as he jostled him in to the lift station and pressed their location destination.

“Using alcohol as a sleep aide?” Carson said disapprovingly.

“Come on, like you haven’t ever!” Rodney complained right back.

“I’ll admit to a wee nip from time to time but not when I’ve a full day’s work ahead of me. And that isn’t the point any way, now is it, Rodney?”

He pulled him past the main nurse’s station where everyone just ignored them. Rodney realized that this scene, this scenario of Carson with Rodney in his wake, juggernauting through while arguing out about his health must be pretty damn common around those parts. They swung past a drug locker to pick up some supplies and then Carson led him to an exam station.

“Sit.” Carson commanded Rodney to sit on a plain exam table. Rodney hopped up into place.

“I’ll give you a mild non-opioid analgesic for now.”

“Just give me some ibuprofen,” Rodney sighed irritably. 

“Shut it!” Carson snapped as he prepared a shot. “This will work faster,” he added. “See the desk nurse about getting a fresh bottle of ibuprofen. Now give me an arm.”

Rodney looked down at his arms. Both available hands were currently occupied with coffee and a muffin. He looked back up at Carson in time to see him roll his eyes at him. Carson took the coffee out of Rodney’s hand and placed it on a small rolling work table. He then pulled on a pair of exam gloves and grabbed an alcohol swab. 

Carson took Rodney’s arm firmly. “We should check your blood pressure. I meant what I said. I want you to check it several time during the week.”

Realizing he was defeated this time, Rodney let his posture slump and Carson prepared him for a shot. 

“I feel fine,” Rodney said softly.

“That’s why they call hypertension the silent killer,” Carson replied. He gave Rodney the shot, pressing a cotton ball to the injection sight, he curled Rodney’s arm over the small wound. “You get yourself so worked up…” Carson looked at him disapprovingly. “What is it now?”

What was it? It was the one thing that would be next to impossible to discuss with Carson and also the one thing he needed to talk to Carson about the most. Rodney wanted to talk. He needed to talk, especially to the best friend who understood him best, but how? Could he turn it into a hypothetical? Probably not. He’d trip all over himself in self-consciousness and give it away in three sentences. He was a lousy liar and Carson was an expert at reading him. Maybe there was another approach?

“I’ve been…” he stalled out when he realized how very close he was to saying it all. All he had to do was alter these next planned words and it would be all out on the table before Carson. “I’ve been a little distracted, I guess… thinking about someone.”

“Someone? Someone you have an eye for?” Carson asked. 

“Umm, yeah,” Rodney replied. 

Carson smiled at him. “Well, who is she then? Not Katie Brown still? You haven’t mentioned her in so long…”

“No,” Rodney replied as his heart sank. If he let Carson continue to assume it is a girl, it would be just like lying. He didn’t want to lie for so many different reasons. He couldn’t look Carson in the eye any more so he looked down at his half eaten muffin, playing with the edge of the large paper cupcake container.

“Rodney,” Carson voice sounded much more serious and softer. “What is it?”

“How… How would you feel about me if I….” Rodney swallowed hard. He thought he could never not be hungry at breakfast time but now just the look and smell of the muffin was starting to make him nauseous. “I told you it wasn’t a girl.” He rushed the rest out and then felt his chest contract and that metallic taste spring to his mouth that he often associated with extreme anger, but he wasn’t angry. He was afraid, and he was almost certain he was just a heartbeat away from rejected and severely heartbroken. It would be bad enough to know Carson couldn’t feel the same, but it would be devastatingly worse to know that he may have broken their friendship forever. 

“How would I feel?” Carson asked softly. “Only slightly surprised.”

Rodney looked up suddenly to find Carson smiling warmly at him. Rodney felt his mouth quirk up into a half-smile. Carson took his other arm and put a blood pressure cuff around it. 

“I can tell you right now that it’s going to be high,” Rodney said.

“Nevertheless,” Carson replied as he put on his stethoscope. He began the process. “So who is this lad who has you tied in bloody knots?”

“Ah well….”

“I suspect he’s at least as smart as Zelenka or myself. He couldn’t actually be as smart as you. That would never do.”

“Ah…”

“And a good provider, whatever that means for you. And a good temperament. I understand you don’t care for hotheads.”

Rodney now recognized the fact that Carson was handing him back his standards for Teyla’s intended. He looked at him and saw the amusement in his eyes.

“Very funny,” Rodney said flatly.

“You should know that no matter what, you are my friend,” Carson said sincerely. “You are that first and foremost. I thought you would have gotten that by now.”

“This is not the kind of thing friendships are renowned for surviving,” Rodney replied.

“Well, this one has,” Carson replied with a caring smile that showed all his best dimples. That made Rodney smile too.

“And it’s a bloody miracle – 125 over 75,” Carson announced.

Rodney laughed. “Ha! All cured! And no more headache!” He pointed to his head with a smile.

“Well then get to work and stop takin’ up space in my hospital,” Carson chuckled. 

Rodney hopped off of the exam table. 

“Don’t forget to get some ibuprofen as you leave,” Carson reminded.

“Thanks!” Rodney said feeling lighter than he had felt in days. “See you for lunch?”

“How about dinner,” Carson replied. “I’m buying.”

Rodney chuckled as he headed for the nurse’s station. He stopped suddenly as he remembered his coffee and muffin. He jogged back to pick them up. Carson handed him the coffee.

“Come get me out of here at about nineteen hundred hours,” Carson said as he handed him the mug.

Rodney spent the rest of his day in a much better mood. He took lunch with Sheppard and Ronon and managed to keep it pleasant and civil, which made John look pleased. 

~  
Carson had a plan. It wasn’t an inflexible plan. It was adaptable. Tonight could have two possible outcomes: it could be a nice romantic dinner between two friends who were on their way to becoming lovers, or it could be a nice, quiet dinner in which two friends can just talk candidly and share and support each other. Either way, it could be a nice evening. There was no denying that the first outcome was the preferable one for Carson, but he was prepared to accept the second.

Barring emergencies, he expected Rodney to be on time. Rodney was almost always punctual. That gave him enough time to get what he needed and get it all ready back in his quarters. He set the table next to the bay window that overlooked the west pier and the ocean sunset. He had ordered the ‘London broil’ dinner from the commissary that came with bake potatoes and datois beans, an Athosian vegetable that looked like sugar snap peas but tasted somewhat like asparagus when cooked. For dessert, they would have Rodney’s favorite MRE dessert option, double chocolate, chocolate fudge brownie with chocolate chips. 

It was all ready and staying nice and hot in its insulated hot to-go bag. Carson returned to the infirmary and went back to work for the last ten minutes he had to spare until Rodney’s arrival. 

At nineteen o-two hours Rodney blew into the infirmary like a sudden gust stirring the half-lull everyone had fallen into by that time. Carson looked up from his work station computer as Rodney came to a halt by his side, talking fast.

“Are you hungry? Because I am starving! I’ve spent the whole day arguing with those meathead wussies that I have as a sorry excuse for a structural engineering team telling me that the jumper’s rear airlock door probably won’t work on the sea locks at the platform. Radek even agrees with me and they wouldn’t even listen to him. I mean, if the jumper’s door and locking system is good enough for the explosive compression in the vacuum of space, they can take the depth pressure of 500 meters of ocean.”

This was a good sign, Carson knew. If Rodney was talking fast and gesticulating with a loose flow of his hands, he was in a relatively good mood, despite whatever he was complaining about. This had been a good day for him. Carson closed down his work station and stood.

“Dinner is waiting for us,” he said. “Back at my place.”

“What?” Rodney stopped, stilling in his animated flow. He gestured with a thumb over his shoulder. “We’re not going to the commissary?”

“If you want to go to the commissary, we can,” Carson said. “But I thought you’d fancy a nice quiet dinner tonight. Not too many people about… so we can talk.”

Rodney’s arms dropped to his side as he considered what Carson was saying. The look on his face remained calm and contemplative but not upset. 

“Ok,” Rodney said.

Carson led the way.

As far as Carson was concerned, the hard part of this ordeal was already over. Rodney had told him that he had feelings for another man. That had been a huge admission. He had basically ‘came out’ to his best friend. From here they would either be each other’s lover or be each other’s solid trusted friend, someone to turn to. No matter what, Carson knew he would be there for Rodney. It didn’t matter if Rodney didn’t feel the same for him. Carson was prepared to wait, maybe even wait forever. 

With that in mind, he listened as Rodney talked the entire way to his quarters. Rodney was excited because he knew they were coming closer and closer every day to finally venturing out to the platform. He was excited about the potential and the new, ground breaking science he knew they would discover there. He may have been complaining about his research team, but he did it with a quick and cheerful cadence to his voice that suggest he found them more amusing than aggravating at this time.

Carson ushered him in and sat him at the table. He then place dinner before him, steaming hot and smelling absolutely delicious. 

“Oh yay!” Rodney smiled broadly at the food. He picked up his fork and knife and dug in. “You sooooooo get me,” he told Carson as he pushed in his first bite. 

“Would you like some tea or coffee?” Carson asked as he set his own plate. “I do have iced tea.”

“Mmmph. Not the powder-reconstituted kind, I hope,” Rodney said, looking up from chewing.

“Never!” Carson said firmly. “Brewed tea is sacrosanct. What kind of wanker tries to push off that shite to his friends?”

Rodney laughed, choked briefly, cleared his throat and waved Carson away before he could perform the Heimlich maneuver. Instead, Carson got them drinks. He smiled back over his shoulder as he watched Rodney eating and enjoying with a carefree, no worries air about him. This was good. Carson wanted Rodney relaxed. He wanted him comfortable. 

“Glad you got this,” Rodney said as Carson returned with the drinks. “We would have made it to the commissary pretty late and all the really great meal options would have been gone.”

“Ah, aye. I believe Colonel Sheppard calls it the early bird blue-plate special,” Carson said as he sat. 

“Big hit with the older, blue-haired set,” Rodney joked. 

“Not many of those here now,” Carson said with a chuckle.

“Maybe not in age, but certainly in spirit. Take for instance that microbiologist friend of yours… I don’t remember her name, but she always wears sweaters… smells like old lady perfume and uses phrases like ‘tickled pink’ and ‘horsefeathers.’”

“Dr. Bradley? She’s a very sweet lady…” Carson defended.

“I’m sure she is,” Rodney replied. “But that isn’t the point. She sounds, smells and acts like an eighty year old grandmother who’s starting to lose her clarity to dementia and just wants to play bingo.”

Carson just chuckled, shaking his head in amused incredulity of Rodney’s antics. 

“I can see her running right down to the commissary at five thirty so she doesn’t have to miss bridge club.”

“Rodney!”

“You know I’m right.” Rodney smiled.

“You’re incorrigible.”

“So I’ve been told.” Rodney washed down a bite with a drink of iced tea. “Why do you put up with me?” he asked jokingly.

“I’ll never know,” Carson joked back. But he didn’t let the banter distract him from what he knew he had to do. “But seriously, Rodney. I thought perhaps you would like to talk some about this lad you’ve been thinkin’ on.”

“But you’ve already him figured out,” Rodney replied. “Smart as you, good provider, not a hot head.”

Carson smiled at Rodney’s smile and there was that look again in Rodney’s crushed blue velvet eyes. There was that sweet trust and openness that Rodney held only for him. There was that secret door into Rodney McKay’s heart. Carson swallowed hard.

“It’s me,” Carson practically whispered. He had intended to say it louder but that look just took his breath. 

“Smart,” Rodney smiled. “Got that part right.” But then he sobered and his face lost it smile. “You’re not… upset are you?” Rodney asked looking tense. His posture took on the look of someone who was about to rabbit for the door at a word.

“No, no! Not at all, Rodney,” Carson reassured hoping he was convincing enough, even as his heart felt like it was about to pound through his chest. “In fact, I’m rather pleased.”

“Good,” Rodney said putting down his utensils. “Very good, great, actually. Now, if you don’t mind, I have a small favor to ask you.”

Carson felt puzzlement for a second but he replied, “Yes, of course,” right away. 

“Can I kiss you?” Rodney asked very businesslike and matter-of-factly. 

“Uh…”

“Is that a no?”

“No, of course not,” Carson snapped defensively.

“Well, it wasn’t a yes,” Rodney complained.

“Give me a bloody moment,” Carson argued back.

“What’s there to think about? Either I can or I can’t. Either you want me to or you don’t.”

“You just can’t hit me with a question like that and expect me to just deal with it like it’s bloody nothin’.”

“Carson, I only asked to kiss you; not to marry you,” Rodney replied at the height of irritation. 

“Yes!” Carson relented.

“What?” Rodney snapped.

“Yes, kiss me you damn silly bugger!” Carson snapped back.

By now they were both standing from the table and had done so in the heat of the argument. It only took one step for Rodney to be in front of Carson. He froze there and Carson could see the fear in his eyes now. 

“Can I kiss you,” he said it this time softly and tentatively.

“Yes,” Carson said softly back.

Rodney reached for him, cradling his face in his hands. Carson let his eyes close as Rodney came closer. Their lips touched softly at first. Rodney pressed in closer, opening his lips to take in Carson’s lower lip. His hands, still cradling his face, stoked his cheeks softly with his thumbs. Carson opened his mouth to him and their tongues touched as the kiss deepened. And it felt so very good. It felt like a breath of sweet fresh air after being trap indoors forever. It felt like a drink of cold water on the hottest day of the year. It felt like home. Carson let himself be swept up in the feeling. It felt like what every kiss he had shared with Laura Cadman had not felt like but maybe should have been. Here was the fire. Here was the sweetness.

Rodney ended the kiss gently and looked Carson in the eyes. He was still close enough to kiss again. He continued to cradle Carson’s face.

“Wow,” he said softly. “You taste really good.”

Carson smiled at him.

“Not that I’ve gone around tasting a lot of people…” Rodney clarified.

Carson reached up and took one of his hands as he chuckled, amused by Rodney’s discomfiture. “Maybe it’s just dinner,” Carson suggested.

“No… no.” Rodney said softly yet firmly. He reached for Carson again, the hand still on Carson’s face slipped back to the back of his head and neck, a few of his fingers lacing into Carson’s hair. Rodney pulled Carson into another kiss. This one was sweeter and deeper than the first. The hesitancy was gone, replaced by sincerity and a kindling desire. Rodney’s tongue swept across Carson’s, tasting him deeply and taking him in with a small hint of sensual hunger. This kiss lasted a little longer, but then Rodney pulled back again.

“No,” Rodney said again. “It’s definitely you…. But I wish you would learn how to shave better,” he added with a small frown as he rubbed the side of his mouth and jaw. 

Carson chuckled, reaching up to touch Rodney’s face where his beard stubble had irritated. “Really never had much of a reason to worry about that… until now.”

Rodney was just looking into his eyes with a look Carson couldn’t quite describe. It was a kin to the look that Rodney could get when he was being open and trusting. However, this look was tinged with wonder. It was like Rodney was possibly coming to an epiphany, which was a coincidence since Carson had come to his own epiphany not too long ago in their first kiss.

“I’ve tasted it before,” Rodney said softly. “I’ve wanted it ever since.”

Carson knew Rodney was speaking of Laura Cadman’s kiss. Laura had been the catalyst for this reaction between them. Without her, they would have never known this sweetness, this unique sensual synergy. Rodney was reaching for him again. Carson let his hands slip about his waist to pull him close. They kissed gently this time, a tasting of lips. Then they rested their foreheads together as they looked into each other’s eyes again. Carson took in the deep blue of Rodney’s eyes noting the silvery flecks throughout making them shine like an evening sky, filled with stars.

“Perhaps we should eat our supper before it gets cold,” Carson whispered as they shared breath.

“Is food all you think about?” Rodney said, but then he broke into a smile and chuckled. This was obviously a joke based on his own distinctive preoccupation with eating. Carson laughed with him. 

“And I have your favorite dessert too. It’ll be a shame to go to waste,” Carson said.

“Double chocolate, chocolate fudge brownie with chocolate chips?” Rodney’s eyes lit up in excitement.

Carson laughed again. “I bet I don’t taste as good at that!” he said.

“Hm,” Rodney said, smiling broadly. “I’ll have to test that.”

“Never stand between a scientist and a hypothesis,” Carson replied as he slipped from Rodney’s embrace. 

“I’ll need an adequate sample size,” Rodney said. “How many brownies do you have and do you have a few hours in which I may engage your mouth?”

Carson retrieved the brownies from the insulated bag. The other food had heated them just enough to make them soft, and the chocolate chips melty.

“This would be excellent with ice cream,” Rodney said as he took one from him.

“Now you’re asking for too much,” Carson said. “I could never rival …”

Rodney dropped the brownie down on to his plate on the table and grabbed Carson unexpectedly. He swooped in for a sweet swift kiss.

“Nope,” Rodney replied. “You taste too damn good. You would be a much more than modest contender.”

“You are seriously considering forgoing dinner just to make out with me?” Carson joked, but there was a bit of sincerity to his question. “I’ll be here after you finish eating, you know.”

“Yeah, that’s a strong probability as this is your quarters,” Rodney replied, but he didn’t let go of Carson. In fact he moved in closer, pressing the length of his body to Carson’s. Carson could feel the solid press of Rodney’s hardening member against his thigh. His own responded with a pulse, pushing against the hard body that moved against him.

“Maybe we should take this slow,” Carson cautioned gently.

“Life’s too short to take it slow,” Rodney replied and then pressed a few more small kisses to Carson’s lips.

Every kiss was melting his resolve, but Carson knew they both needed time to think and regroup before they dove into a physical relationship. He doubted that Rodney had ever been with a man. And although Carson had, it had been several years ago. He wanted Rodney to be certain, and to know what he was getting into. He wanted Rodney to know just what he wanted and expected from Carson.

“Dinner first, love,” Carson said as he stoked the side of Rodney’s face tenderly. “One thing at a time.”

Rodney sighed but relented. They sat back down and continued their meal, talking cheerfully about their day. They took their time and the hours flew past. After his last bite of brownie, Rodney looked up at Carson expectantly. Carson smiled at him, putting down his knife and fork.

“Now can I test the theory?” Rodney asked playfully. 

Carson chuckled softly. “It’ getting pretty late, love, and we both have work tomorrow.”

“Is this more of your ‘taking it slow’?” Rodney asked. 

“Perhaps,” Carson said hesitantly. “We do have work in the morning and I think we should just give it a moment. Let it cool down.”

“I don’t want to cool down,” Rodney replied passionately. 

“How many men have you had before,” Carson asked bluntly. 

“Ah… um….”

“That’s what I suspected,” Carson said. “I don’t want this to be rushed. I don’t want our first time to possibly be something you wind up regretting.”

Rodney frowned and turned away.

“Besides, let me have a chance to shave properly,” Carson said softly.

That got a small smile out of Rodney as he looked back up at him. 

Dinner was done, so Carson cleared the dishes. Rodney stood to meet him as he returned to the table.

“What about tomorrow?” Rodney asked.

“I’ll be on the mainland all day. It’s my shift at the clinic, and that usually drags into the night.”

“I’ll wait up,” Rodney said.

“I’ll not have you waitin’ all night for me when you need your sleep,” Carson replied.

“Well, Friday is a bust,” Rodney replied with a frown. “I have meetings all day, and I know they’ll drag on and on.”

“No matter, love,” Carson said. He put his hands on Rodney’s waist again to pull him close. They touched foreheads again as Rodney wrapped Carson into his embrace. 

“You really are my very best friend,” Rodney said very softly and very sincerely. 

“Sunday,” Carson said. “We’ll take a lunch and head to the mainland.”

“Not fishing, I hope,” Rodney moaned half-jokingly.

Carson smiled. “Not even a little bit?” he asked.

“No,” Rodney said firmly. 

“Have it you own way then,” Carson said with a chuckle. 

~  
It was amazing how much hope can make a person feel as light as a feather. Rodney had only experienced that kind of healthy and bright hope a very few times before in his life. Being a genius and a prodigy usually meant most things people hope for were a given. You didn’t hope for them. You just assumed that they would come to you. If they did, then everything was as it should be. If it didn’t, well then you assured yourself that there was some mistake or some less intelligent nimrod didn’t realize who they were dealing with. Once when a beautiful young grad student named Jasmine said yes to a date with him while he was doing work in Fermi lab near Chicago, Rodney felt singing, whistling, kick-your-feet-up hope.

When Carson had said, _“You should know that no matter what, you are my friend. You are that first and foremost.”_ Rodney felt the stirrings of a grand bout of amazing hope coming on. It had been more than the words, but the look in Carson’s eyes that had truly spoke to him. Rodney knew he had to make his move. He had to try. And he felt in his heart that even if Carson didn’t feel the same way, they could at least try to salvage their friendship. It would hurt not to have Carson’s love, but it would be murder to lose his friendship as well. 

As the day progressed, Rodney’s heart grew lighter and lighter. It was a shot in the dark, but he knew it was now or never. If he was given the opportunity to come clean on how he was feeling for Carson, he knew he should take it and let the chips fall where they may. 

When Carson told him that he had dinner planned for them in his quarters, Rodney’s heart leapt in his chest, but he hid his anticipatory excitement as best as he could. After all, he could still be wrong and this could all go bust. However, statistically speaking, the odds where looking better and better. Applying simple logic to the circumstances, Rodney could see two probable out comes: Carson would be agreeable to his affections and they would start a relationship, or Carson would probably carefully tell him that he does not share his feeling. It would be awkward, but Rodney knew Carson was a kind soul. They could get through this, maybe.

During dinner, when Carson turned the conversation to Rodney’s admission of earlier, Rodney saw his opportunity. His move was simple and it was subtle and it played on the fact that Rodney knew just how quick and methodical Carson’s thought processes could be. And Rodney had been right in that regard. It was the over confidence from that success that triggered the normal Rodney arrogant nature when he asked for a kiss. Was it any wonder that Carson had reacted first in confusion and then in irritation? Rodney recognized his mistake when he realized that they were snapping at each other in increasing annoyance. But they got past that, thank God.

Then there had been the kiss, and oh yes! Rodney never knew a mouth could taste so good and so right. No, it wasn’t the London broil, although he could taste a hint of the marinate sauce. However, this had to do with much more than just taste. There was texture and heat and movement that all went into that kiss. They just moved well together like every moment of the kiss had been choreographed and their partnership in the dance of their tongues was flawless. Carson tasted right. He tasted like deep blue and good coffee and warm cookies and everything Rodney associated with peace and comfort.

Rodney arrived back at his quarters close to twenty three hundred hours. He had spent a significant amount of time in Carson’s quarters. They talk mostly, but Carson had allowed him a few more kisses. Going beyond kisses Carson had prevented. 

Rodney should have figured on Carson being cautious as always. After all, his thoughtfulness was one of his attractive qualities. But at least now, Rodney had a few more attractive qualities to think on for the next few nights. It was going to be hard waiting, but their schedules were just that chaotic. Neither of them even mentioned Saturday. The Daedalus was due back by Saturday morning bringing supplies and fresh personnel. That promised to take up everyone’s day. The sad part of it was that they now needed even more replacement personnel. Carson had probably put the request through for two new doctors and a replacement surgical staff. The Daedalus was already close to two weeks in on her journey to Pegasus when the explosions happened.

Rodney put the troubling thoughts away for the night. There were just so many wonderful things to think on right now. And although Rodney was by nature a bit impatient, he understood the value of anticipation. With that in mind, he stripped naked, found his tube of lubricant, and made sure the box of tissues next to the bed wasn’t empty. He planned on having the most glorious masturbation session of his week! The fantasy would be brought to him by Carson and his amazing kisses.

Carson was cautious mostly because he cared so much, and that in and of itself was sexy. Carson was also beautiful with his large blue eyes and his stout body. His chest was broad and his arms looked solid and Rodney knew he worked out a little. 

Rodney propped himself up comfortably on his bed, relaxing back against pillows as he stroked his hardening cock loosely and slowly, just thinking about Carson’s solid body. He knew now how much he liked feeling his firm, solid form against him. Carson had felt good in his arms. Rodney wondered what Carson would do if he saw him just now? What if Carson walked through the door and found Rodney naked with a hard-on, stroking it and whispering his name?

Would he take Rodney’s hand and make him stop? Would he then sit down on the bed next to him and kiss him ever so gently? That would be so like him. Then, after sweet kisses that would leave Rodney breathless, Carson would say in that charming musical voice of his, “Here, love, let me take care of that.”

Then he would lower his mouth to Rodney’s waiting cock. Rodney lubed his own hand, curling his finger about the wetness to warm it a little bit. He then took a firm hold of his rigid cock as he imagined Carson’s mouth enveloping him in moist, wet heat. In his fantasy he would look down and watch in amazed adoration. Carson would look so very beautiful with his mouth around him, his eyes closed and his thick dark lashes against his cheek bone. But it wasn’t enough. Rodney wanted more. He wanted to see Carson naked. He wanted to see Carson excited. He wanted to know what he looked like when he was feeling good and hot and horny as hell.

Rodney imagined Carson now naked and masturbating with him. He imagined Carson probably had a handsome, thick cock that was not too meaty but just big enough to command attention. Rodney wondered if Carson like his nipples rubbed while he masturbated. Rodney did. Rodney reached for his own nipple with his left hand to stroke over the nub lightly with only his thumb nail. He sighed as his head fell back. He whispered Carson’s name.

Carson was careful, Rodney reflected. Rodney bet he knew why. 

“Fuck me, Carson,” he whispered into the darkness of his room. “Please fuck me.” He practically whimpered.

His left hand left his nipple and reached for the lube again. He quickly slicked down his fingers and then spread and lifted his legs higher to open himself up further. Carefully, Rodney worked the middle finger of his left hand into his anus. Once it was in, he took his erection again. He had done this maneuver in the past many times before, but not regularly. He saved this for special occasions. In his fantasy, Carson was sliding inside of him, fucking him firmly. Each stroke teased his prostate. Carson was looking him in the eyes with a look of love and longing. Rodney’s hand on his cock and his penetrating finger moved faster as he imagined Carson over him, glistening with sweat, and breathing his name as he thrust with potency and passion. The image was so amazing and glorious in Rodney’s mind that he knew he wouldn’t last much longer. Then he was coming, his spunk flying from him landing in a hot stream across his belly. He milked it all as he trembled within the pleasure of his orgasm. The fantasy was over. 

Rodney sighed in relief and smiled as he felt the languid pleasure of post orgasmic stupor start to steal over him, loosening his tensed muscles. He wiped himself up carefully before he gave in to the lassitude that called to him. He fell asleep thinking of Carson’s kisses. 

~  
The next few days were much like Rodney expected them to be - torture. He didn’t see Carson all day on Thursday, but he received word to report to the infirmary for blood pressure screening. Dr. Keller was there to receive his informal and quite impolite complaint.

“Why?” he asked testily. 

“Carson told me to,” She replied point blankly. “I think he’s concerned about your health because… I don’t know… he’s your doctor and your friend?” She added in a sarcastic tone. 

The nurse taking his blood pressure looked up from the cuff gage at Dr. Keller. “130 over 88,” he said.

Dr. Keller pressed her lips together and breathed out a sigh of disapproval. 

“Great,” Rodney exclaimed irritably. “Now we know for certain that I am _still_ prehypertensive. What has that gained for us today?”

“Regular screening is important,” she replied. “We may want to start you on a low dosage ACE inhibitor or a Beta blocker.”

“I got a better idea,” Rodney said in mock enthusiasm as he stood from the exam table. “How about everyone just stop and leave the genius alone for a few seconds so he can get some work done. That could help lower my blood pressure.”

Dr. Keller shrugged and rolled her eyes. Rodney stormed out of the infirmary, but before he made it out he heard another person say to Dr. Keller, “You got off easy. He would have breathed fire all over Carson and tried to serve him as barbeque to the rest of his off world team.”

By Friday at noon, he had forgotten about how irritated he had been by Carson’s order of blood pressure screening. He broke his structural engineering planning meeting for lunch and practically skipped down to the commissary. Carson was waiting for him. They were only alone at their table for ten minute, but it was a pretty damn happy ten minutes as far as Rodney was concerned. Carson’s smile and his gaze was only for him and that made him delighted for some silly reason. 

Then it was over when Sheppard and Ronon straddled a couple of chairs next to them. Carson remained pleasant, but Rodney couldn’t help feeling a little peevish about the interruption. Fortunately, John and Ronon expected peevish from Rodney most of the time and found nothing amiss. 

Remembering what John had said about Ronon, Rodney was half tempted to display his affections over Carson to show the man just who’s lover he was. Nevertheless, he knew better than to do that. Sheppard had been right about how some homophobic factions of the mission would react to openly gay displays. Now wasn’t the time to openly declare their relationship. But Rodney knew he would get his day in the sun for Ronon to witness sometime soon. 

Saturday the Daedalus arrived on schedule. Elizabeth called all senior staff into a meeting concerning some intel that Colonel Caldwell had brought. Carson chose a seat next to Rodney and Rodney had to force down a pleased smile. During the meeting, at a particularly boring point concerning troop deployments to the alpha site, Carson’s knee bumped softly into Rodney’s thigh. Rodney hid a smile by raising his hand as if to cover his mouth while clearing his throat. Rodney returned the touch by stretching his leg out so that his calf crossed Carson’s shin. Carson managed to keep such a stone-cold straight face that had Rodney worried that maybe it wasn’t Carson’s shin he was feeling. But Carson moved his leg and bumped him back and Rodney nearly sighed audibly in relief. They stayed like that for the remainder of the meeting.

The rest of Saturday was full as Hermiod called for Rodney specifically to assist him on the Daedalus power systems tune-up. Rodney didn’t see Carson again for the rest of the day. But if the days had been mind-numbing torture, the nights had been sweet, lust filled torture as Rodney masturbated himself to sleep almost every night for the remainder of that week fantasizing about Carson. His head filled with visions of a sweaty sensual Carson doing incredibly erotic things to him while he begged him practically in whimpers and sobs to let him come. The anticipation was both superbly sublime and excruciating. 

By Sunday, Rodney was so ready, he couldn’t wait until lunchtime. He was at Carson’s door at o nine hundred hours.

~  
Sunday

Carson opened the door of his quarters and there stood Rodney. He was wearing his nice royal blue shirt and dark gray pants that he had worn the other Sunday, the infamous Sunday. He lifted his hand and smiled in a quick diffident greeting.

“Hi.”

Carson smiled and shook his head but let him in. Rodney looked back as if to make sure the door shut behind him, then he advanced on Carson with his arms out in a plain entreaty. Carson went into his arms without hesitation. Their lips found each other and they shared a sweet, slow kiss. When they came up for air, feeling content just staying in each other’s arms, Carson noticed the silly smile all over Rodney’s face.

“What is it, love?”

“You shaved,” Rodney smiled broadly.

“I promised you I would,” Carson explained. “You’re early,” he added. “I haven’t even reserved a jumper yet.”

Rodney just stared at him with a look of love and awe. “Why leave,” he said. “Why don’t we just stay here… right here.” Rodney leaned in for a kiss, his lips parting as they pressed to Carson’s. Carson welcome in Rodney’s warm tongue sucking on it lightly and letting his tongue dance with his own. But after a moment, Carson ended the kiss.

“You know if we stay here, someone, somewhere in this bloody madhouse is going to need one of us and call us away.” Carson said softly as he ran a gentle hand across Rodney’s cheek. “Do you nae want to take that chance?”

“I just want to be with you,” Rodney said sincerely. “I’ve waited days for this and I don’t give a damn if it’s here, the mainland or in the back seat of an X-302.”

“Knowing your claustrophobia, that’s sayin’ something, love,” Carson said with a smiled.

 

“So let’s turn the stupid radios off,” Rodney continued. “And if they knock, we just pretend we are not here.”

“The city sensors,” Carson replied. “They’ll know we are in here.”

“Then we yell at the door, ‘FUCK OFF!’ as loud as we can,” Rodney countered. 

Carson chuckled.

“Damn she was right about those dimples,” Rodney said wistfully to himself.

“Do you really want to stay?” Carson asked.

“Do you really want to go?” Rodney replied with his own question. “It’s a pain in the ass, Carson. First we sign out a jumper and register a flight plan. And I know deep down you don’t like flying, and I’m far from being the best pilot in this galaxy. When we get there, we have a picnic with whatever passes for ant life here. I’m not up on my astrobiology so I don’t know what sandwiches and macaroni salad will attract. I find the uncomfortable, hard ground a bit of a deterrent to romantic endeavors…. And I forgot to put on sunscreen.” He added this last part of his argument with a shrug of defeat, letting his arms fall to his sides.

Carson chuckled more. “Well, when you put it like that…”

“Good,” Rodney said firmly. “We’ll stay, but I bet I know some place better than right here.”

“Do you?” Carson asked skeptically. 

“I know I’m not the most romantic person around,” Rodney replied.

“That’s fine, love. I’ve been told I’m not the most adventurous person around.”

Rodney led Carson back to his own quarters and brought him inside. Carson was stunned when he saw what Rodney had done. 

“Nice place for a picnic?” Rodney said.

The bay windows were open, letting in a nice sea breeze that shook the leaves of several potted ficus trees positioned about a sunlit area with a blanket and several pillows on the floor. Also positioned thickly around the room were colorful bromeliads.

“I had to beg Katie Brown to let me use these,” Rodney added.

“I’ll bet that was awkward,” Carson said in response as he came all the way in. 

“Only a little,” he said nonchalantly. “Are you hungry?” 

Rodney stepped over pillows and cushions and around tree to get to his small table. “I have coffee and pastries for breakfast. Later, for lunch we will be having turkey sandwiches and macaroni salad.”

“You were serious about the sandwiches and macaroni salad then?” Carson said.

“Of course,” Rodney replied smugly. “As for later, I have on order from the commissary tonight’s entrée of roast chicken and vegetables.”

“You’ve thought of everything.”

“You’d be surprised,” Rodney replied with a grin. “Oh and for dessert double chocolate, chocolate fudge brownies with chocolate chips. I’m still conducting research.”

“I see.”

“I should have a sufficient amount of data by… I’d say, tomorrow morning?” Rodney said pleased, clasping his hands together and bouncing on his feet in delight.

“Only barring some catastrophe which will require our chief scientist to pull our proverbial fat out of the fire,” Carson said.

“Oh no, my friend. Never you fear!” Rodney swung back around trees and pillows to stand before Carson once more. “Sheppard knows where I am, and he is the only one who knows where I am. As far as the rest of Atlantis is concerned, we took off for the mainland in Jumper 3 at…” Rodney looked down at his watch. “Oh, just seven minutes ago. We are long gone.”

“Very clever, Rodney,” Carson said softly. “You really did think of everything. When did you start plaining this?”

Rodney put his hands on Carson’s hips to pull him close. Carson put his hands about Rodney’s waist.

“Oh about three hours into listening to Hermiod belittle me, I began to tune him out. Of course when I tuned him out, I began to think of you. You might even say I went to my happy place.”

Carson chuckled again. 

“Then as soon as I got out of the Daedalus engineering deck, I put my plan into motion.” Rodney pulled him close and kissed him briefly. “Now,” he said, “Would you like to get comfortable? Take off your shoes and have a seat and some coffee and a donut?”

“That would be lovely,” Carson said smiling as he looked into Rodney’s eyes. 

~  
Rodney was sincerely not the most romantic person around but he did recognize that his idea of creating an indoor forest picnic had struck the right romantic chord. That had been sheer serendipity and total dumb luck. Looking back on the notion, he realized that had he set out to create romance, this would not have come to mind first. Now they sat on the floor of his quarters on pillows and blankets and their backs against his bed, surrounded by potted ficus trees and bromeliads, drinking coffee and talking. 

It made Rodney happy inside when he recalled that Carson was his best friend. Someone important to him once told him it was the most that anyone could wish for that their lover also be their best friend. He couldn’t remember if that wisdom had come from his mother or his land lady back in Toronto, Mrs. Bloomfield, a lovely old woman who would invite him down to delicious casserole dinners from time to time. Well, it didn’t matter who said it but Rodney knew it was true. No one in two galaxies understood Rodney McKay like Carson Beckett. And, for that matter, there was no one else anywhere Rodney knew he could trust more than Carson. He understood Carson perhaps just as much. He knew what every expression on his face said about what was going on in his logical and careful mind. Every sigh, every sniff, every grunt and every eye roll had a meaning that Rodney could decipher faster and better than anyone with the exception of Carson’s mother. Rodney could feel the very emotions of the man when they only just touched. He recalled that moment before he became clinically dead after the effects of the ascension conditioning device ran its course. He remembered touching Carson’s mind in desperation but realizing he had always had an ‘in’ with him, even in a very superficial way before. Maybe that what real love was like. Maybe that was why he reached for Carson’s mind first, above all the other people’s minds in that room.

“Sheppard thinks Ronon may have a crush on you,” Rodney admitted sometime later in their conversation.

“Does he now? How did he come to that conclusion?” Carson asked in mild astonishment.

“Well,” Rodney said and he was starting to feel slightly embarrassed as he realized how silly the whole story sounded in hindsight. “Ronon and I may have had a fight about you.”

“What?!”

“Nononono, not like that… I mean not like a duel or anything. Not that I would survive a duel against Ronon the Barbarian… unless it involved calculus… or differential equations. I’d kick ass in that arena.”

“Rodney!” Carson said firmly to get him back on topic.

“Well, I would,” Rodney said defensively.

“What about this fight?” Carson asked. “Why did it make Colonel Sheppard believe Ronon is smitten with me?”

“Ronon thought I was unnecessarily mean to you. He doesn’t care for it. But, you know, we just joke around, right?” Rodney smiled at Carson who was giving him a flat, skeptical expression.

“There are days, Rodney,” he said. “You can be a right ass about things. But I suppose we all can be from time to time.”

“Yes, yes, I know. But you get me,” Rodney said with some hopeful enthusiasm. He looked Carson in the eyes, knowing that right at that moment, he was laying his heart before his best friend. “No one, and I mean No One, not my team, not my colleagues, not my subordinates, not even my sister gets me like you do. You know me best… and I think I love you for that.”

Rodney watched as Carson just looked at him, quiet and still. Then Carson’s hand moved. It reached over to where Rodney’s hand rested on the blanket and covered it. Rodney looked down at their hands together and then back to Carson’s eyes which were bright with tears held in check.

“I’ve waited so long to hear those words from you,” he said softly. 

Rodney leaned in to him and they were soon locked in a passionate kiss. This kiss was much more than any kiss they had yet shared. It was an affirmation to a love in bloom. It was the start of a passion bigger than anything Rodney had ever dreamed of or imagined. And if he thought Carson tasted good before, Carson tasted like the very essence of desire right at that moment. All Rodney wanted was more and more. He moved closer in, pressing Carson back, his hand moving to touch Carson’s face and then slip to the back of his neck to hold him near. His fingertips brushing the short hair just above his shirt collar. His tongue plunged deeply into Carson’s mouth, swiping across Carson’s own tongue and tasting and mingling with it. Their tongues did the loving dance that they were becoming inured to. 

A single word played in Rodney’s brain and expressed every longing driving him and fueling the problem solving genius in him. That word was _‘Want.’_

He felt Carson’s hand reach for him and begin to undo the buttons of his shirt. Carson was in tune with him on this, and Rodney smiled slightly into their kiss as he recalled yet again that Carson knew him better than anyone in two galaxies. Of course he was in tune with his desires. Cool air touched his chest once Carson had finished with the buttons and made a move to start the shirt off of Rodney’s shoulders. 

Rodney ended the kiss to help him, pulling the shirt off sleeve by sleeve. He then reached for the tail of Carson’s polo shirt and pulled up. Carson facilitated the removal by lifting his arms. Rodney tossed the shirt aside as he marveled at Carson’s nicely defined chest. 

“Wow,” he whispered as he reached for him. Then they were kissing again, but now, as he pulled him close, they were skin to warm skin and it felt incredible. His hand ran down Carson’s chest feeling solid pectoral muscles and peaked nipples, and he wanted even more. Carson’s hand was on his own chest and his thumb found a nipple and began to stroke it slowly and gently, teasing it to painful hardness. Rodney broke the kiss to gasp with a shiver, his head fell back as he arched into Carson’s touch. His erection was thickening and straining against his pants. 

“Want.” The word came out mouthed in a breath, barely audible. 

Carson lowered his head to Rodney’s chest and took the nipple into his mouth. That was the exact moment Rodney’s toes curled for the first time. Carson’s tongue lapped sweetly over his nipple and he suckled long and slow but not too hard. Every now and again he would just let the tip of his tongue flick deftly over the tight sensitive nub. Rodney’s hand cupped the back of Carson’s head to hold him close and support him. Rodney’s breath was coming out in soft moans of pleasure. Then he realized that while Carson’s mouth was busy learning how to send Rodney to crazy heights of desire, Carson’s hands were busy undoing the fly of his pants. 

“Yes, Oh yes,” Rodney whispered as he looked down on Carson.

Carson released the nipple but took Rodney’s hand in his own as he looked into his eyes.

“Shall we?” He nodded meaningfully at the bed they were using as a back rest. 

Rodney swallowed hard, but nodded in assent.

Carson stood up and offered Rodney a hand up off of the floor nest of blanket and pillows. Rodney took Carson’s hand and was amazed by the unexpected power of the man as he pulled him to his feet and then into his embrace. They kissed again, but this time soft and slow. Carson’s hands slowly stroked down his sides and slipped about him, pulling him closer. After a moment, they came up for air, touching forehead and gently bumping noses. 

Rodney looked into Carson’s electric blue eyes and was transfixed by the desire he saw in them. The word ‘Want’ began to play over and over in Rodney’s head again. His hands stroked over Carson’s shoulders and down his chest, feeling hard muscle under soft skin. Rodney couldn’t help himself as he sighed softly and his hips began a slow rock and grind against Carson. 

Carson’s hands slipped to Rodney’s hips and he began to ease down his pants that he had undone while they had been on the floor. They passed Rodney’s thighs and dropped the rest of the way. Carson pulled him close and kissed him briefly before stepping back to undo his own pants and let them drop as well. Now, Rodney knew just how ready Carson was. Rodney was still clad in boxers, but Carson had gone commando.

“Show off,” Rodney whispered with mock sarcasm as he stripped off his boxers. 

Carson laughed. “You know us Scotsmen, nothin’ under the kilt,” he joked. “Messes with the virility.”

Rodney decided to show Carson some true virility by catching him up in his arms again and kissing him mercilessly. Now they were completely flesh on flesh and Rodney’s hardening erection bumped and rubbed deliciously against Carson’s flat belly. He could feel Carson’s thickening member against his pelvis and thigh as it lifted to join Rodney’s own erection. He was rocking and thrusting against Carson out of pure animal instinct. The want inside him grew excruciating. Rodney came up from his kiss with a growl and attacked the junction of Carson’s neck and shoulder with sucking kisses and love bites.

“Bed, Rodney,” Carson said softly to him as he gave him a very gentle push. 

Rodney released Carson and looked him over in complete carnal hunger. The want was thrumming through his flesh like it had never done before. He wanted to touch and taste and fill himself up with Carson. He wanted to mold himself to Carson and sink inside of him and never come back out. Rodney obeyed and climbed on to the bed, making room and waiting for Carson as he sat on his knees.

Carson climbed on to the bed, sitting on his own knees before Rodney. He reached for Rodney, caressing his face. Rodney took his hand into his own and kissed the palm. Carson had such strong, good hands, the hands of a healer.

“I love you,” Carson said softly. “I have for a long time now.”

That was all it took and the want inside Rodney flamed to an inferno. He lunged for Carson, knocking him backwards on to the bed. They fell on to the mattress locked in a passionate kiss. Rodney was on top of Carson rocking his cock boldly against Carson’s own erection. He whimpered helplessly into their kiss. The want was more than he could bear. He surged and pressed against him with every thrust. His lips held tight to the kiss that joined them. His tongue thrusting into Carson’s mouth in a mimicry of coitus. 

But soon Rodney had to come up for air. His passion, stealing his breath, was sending him into pants and desperate groans. He put his head against Carson’s shoulder, nipping again at the flesh at the junction of his neck. He pushed and pitched against Carson, the want driving him to near frenzy. Carson held him. With a hand cupping his neck and another soothingly stroking his back, Carson held him. One of his legs wrapped about Rodney’s thighs, and Carson pressed his face against the side of Rodney’s head as he whispered soothingly to him.

“Come on then, my baby. Come on, love. I’ve got you.”

Rodney whimpered against him as he heard Carson’s loving words. His hips thrusting faster, he grasped Carson, burying his hands beneath him to grab hold of his buttocks. Carson’s legs opened to him to let him press firmly against him. The sensitive flesh of his erection rubbing smoothly with intense moist friction against Carson’s belly and bumping Carson’s own hard cock. Rodney shivered with a small shock of pleasure as he felt his ball sack bump Carson’s. 

“Carson!” he whimpered, his lips against the soft flesh just below Carson’s ear. His eyes, squeezed shut, gathered moisture at the corners. At that moment, in Rodney’s mind, there was only Carson and the incredible feelings that were taking over his heart and his life. The sweet pleasure that drove this animal urge to rub himself senseless against Carson was because it was Carson. No other person could bring Rodney to this. 

Then the balance tipped and Rodney’s passion combusted into an orgasm so bright that he lost himself, but only for a second. He cried out and then buried his cry into Carson’s shoulder. The tears at the corners of his tightly shut eyes finally fell free to escape down the bridge of his nose. His cock pulse, shooting hot cum between them, slicking the slide between their bellies. Rodney trembled, holding Carson tight until it slowed and then it began to fade. His body relaxed atop of Carson’s as he started to catch his breath.

It was then that he realized, Carson had not come. His cock was still hot and hard between them, but Carson’s hands remained gentle and soothing as he stroked Rodney’s back and neck. He still cooed loving and gentle words to him. 

“Oh, Carson!” Rodney whispered passionately against his neck. But he then broke their embrace to lift himself off of Carson. Braced on his hands over him, Rodney looked down into Carson’s loving gaze. Rodney knew what he wanted to do now. He knew that he could do it.

He pulled himself down on the bed between Carson’s spread thighs, looking over the landscape of Carson’s wet belly and firm, waiting erection, still glistening with the moisture of Rodney’s ejaculation. The want flared in him again, but in a new way. Rodney went down on Carson’s cock with a hunger he never knew he could possess, sucking the head into his mouth and tasting him thoroughly. He took it in as far as he could as one of his hands took a hold of its base, a few of his fingers lightly stroking the start of his sack. 

“Oh God, Rodney!” Carson cried out helplessly. 

What Rodney lacked in experience he made up in enthusiasm, as he bobbed up and down sliding Carson as deeply into his mouth as he could. He let his hand stroke up and down the base of the shaft where his mouth couldn’t reach. He kept the rhythm easy but not too slow as he listened to Carson’s heavy, ragged breaths and soft moans. Rodney looked up the length of Carson’s body. Carson’s head was lifted and he was looking down at him. Their eyes locked for an incredible moment.

“OH Rodney! Oh my love!” Carson’s head fell back and his hips bucked in a tight sporadic rhythm. His cock began to throb robustly in Rodney’s mouth. Rodney’s mouth was flooded with hot thick liquid. He didn’t think twice about it; he just swallowed. He swallowed it all down. 

The pulsing of Carson’s cock in Rodney’s mouth soon slowed and stopped. Rodney release the softening cock from his mouth with a final lick and a gentle, loving kiss to its smooth blushed head.

 

Rodney crawled back up the bed to lay at Carson’s side. He rested his head on Carson’s chest, pressing kisses to the nipple that his lips brushed against. Carson’s arms slid about him and Rodney threw and arm over his chest to hold him close. They lay together like that, catching their breath and just feeling content in the glow of their love. Every once and a while Carson would place a small kiss against Rodney’s head, just at his receding hair line. Carson let his hand stroke in a slow caress the arm Rodney had thrown about him.

Rodney smiled and sighed as he felt another warm kiss on his forehead.

“So tell me, love,” Carson said softly. “Tell me more about this fight you had with Ronon.”

“Mmm,” Rodney nuzzled against Carson in response, but then jumped and squirmed as he felt one of Carson’s hands poke him in his side. “Hey!”

“Don’t try to get out of it. Explain yourself, Rodney,” Carson said in a laughing, mock commanding tone. Rodney could feel Carson’s chuckles shake his ribcage.

“There is nothing to tell,” Rodney explained. He then jumped and squirmed again in surprise. “Stop! That tickles! I hate being tickled! It’s torture, you know.”

“You’re still a big bloody baby,” Carson said but stopped the tickle torture.

“Ok, I get it,” Rodney said and then settled back down against Carson’s chest. “Ronon said I belittle you and treat you bad. I told him that we are best friends and we joke. Then he said that without you, I’d have been dead, which I concede is a good point….”

“Is that it then?” Carson asked.

“Well, no.” Rodney rose up on an elbow to look down into Carson’s eyes. “Look, he doesn’t know you. He doesn’t know us. And no one knows me like you do. I just wanted him to butt-out of our relationship.”

 

Carson reached up to stroke Rodney’s face gently with the lightest touch of his fingertip against Rodney’s cheek and chin. 

“You neednae worry so hard, love,” Carson said softly. “It’s not Ronon I want.”

Rodney lowered his head to take a sweet slow kiss from Carson. When he rose up from it and looked down on him again, Carson was chuckling softly.

“What?” Rodney asked.

“To think, all this time Ronon may have been haunting the infirmary because of me while I’ve been trying to set him up with Jennifer? Makes me feel like quite the fool,” Carson replied.

“You were trying to get Keller and Ronon together?” Rodney said in surprise. “I thought Keller had the hots for you!”

Carson laughed out loud. “That’s right silly!” he said through his chuckles. “Me and Jennifer?!”

“It’s not so silly,” Rodney said defensively. “She looks at you like you are a god or something, and I’ve watched the way you two flirt….”

Carson began to scrunch up into belly laughs at this point. Rodney rolled a little back from him to give him space. He sat up with his elbow propped on the bed and a bemused frown on his face and watched his lover laugh.

Carson caught his breath and tried to talk between weakening chortles. “Oh love…. Jennifer? Me and Jennifer? I’ve known that lass for a long while now. If ever we were to become lovers, it would have happened long before today.”

“How am I supposed to know that?” Rodney said feeling a little hurt.

Carson rolled to face him, his smile now gentle, showing all his glorious dimples. “I suppose you wouldn’t know. But it’s all right, Rodney.” He reached for Rodney, pulling him back down into his embrace and a few more gentle, loving kisses.

Rodney settled back against him once the kisses were done, nuzzling close again and feeling secure in Carson’s love. 

“Bet you never believed I could go down on you like I did,” Rodney said in a soft smug tone.

He felt Carson chuckle briefly as he lay with his head against his chest again.

“No, I have to confess, I never dreamt you’d do such a thing to me… or anyone really.”

“You want to know what I think?” Rodney asked.

“What, Rodney?”

“Much better than double chocolate, chocolate fudge brownies with chocolate chips.”

“You’re exaggerating. Don’t try to pull bullshite with me.”

“Ok, you’re right. The brownies taste better… but they don’t make me feel as amazing as you do.”

Rodney heard Carson sigh, and they lay still for a while, the late morning sunlight still streaming through the open window. The soft sea breezes that shook the leaves of the potted trees also cooled and dried the sweat and cum on their bodies. Rodney could tell by the changing cadence in Carson’s breathing that he was on the very edge of sleep.

“Hey.” Rodney lifted his head and shook Carson’s shoulder lightly. “You ready for lunch?”

~  
Epilogue

The last two times Rodney had been in a submerged Jumper had not been pleasant experiences. Nevertheless, he had swallowed his apprehension and gave Zelenka a look of an intrepid adventurer. Zelenka, who had an almost crippling fear of water had had to swallow his own anxiety to keep up with the boss. Sheppard had rolled his eyes at Rodney. He knew it was a sham. 

Teyla, who he was trading ‘shot gun’ seat with for the ride down to the platform looked stronger and much better for her convalescence on the mainland. She returned the week before and began intense training with Ronon to get back into fighting form. Carson and Rodney had picked her up from the mainland just as they had dropped her off for her recovery time. On the trip back, Rodney had told her that he and Carson had become lovers. She was very pleased.

“You are good for each other,” she had said.

Rodney was still waiting to break the news to Sheppard and Ronon. He knew he probably should tell them before they somehow found out through some other unexpected way. They were his team, after all. They were like family.

For most of the ride, Rodney was preoccupied going over last know location information with Sheppard and Elizabeth. However, when he wasn’t doing that or trading a few hostile barbs with Ronon, he was fighting off claustrophobia by remembering what Carson told him that morning.

“Just breathe, love,” he had whispered against his lips between kisses. Normally Rodney would have called the advice stupid, useless and cliché. But since Carson was giving it with a string of delightful kisses that had come on tail end of glorious morning sex, Rodney was much more receptive. 

Teyla traded him for the back seat after an hour and a half, which he promptly groused about in his most annoyingly entitled mode. In the back, with the rest of his engineering team he was subjected to hostile looks and snide remarks from Zelenka, who was always backed up by Sheppard almost systematically. It made Rodney wonder if he had gotten that whole John-Ronon bromance thing wrong. Maybe it was John and Radek.

_Just breathe, love_

Ronon jumped in with threats, serious, heavy-handed threats, which made Rodney wonder if maybe Teyla had told him something. No, she would not do that. She would never betray their trust. She knew that Rodney and Carson were waiting for the right moment to tell John and Ronon. Rodney didn’t let his worry show, however. He fired back at Ronon with just as much sass as ever. It didn’t matter. It never did.

Then Grayson tried to defend him… only the guy’s name wasn’t Grayson? Graydon? Whatever. Long damn ride. Longest ride in a crowded jumper ever.

_Just breathe, love_

The ride couldn’t be over soon enough. He would be happy to get to the platform and begin work. It had been a long month of recovering from the blasts that took a good number of medical personnel and a few good scientists and mission military personnel. The two things that had made that time bearable had been the preparation for this project and Carson. 

Almost every night for the last two weeks he had spent in Carson’s arms learning more and more about the best friend he had opened his heart to. And he knew Carson was learning new things about him as well. Most of the things they had learned were fun things; like he learned just the right way and the right rhythm to suck Carson’s cock. He learned how to make it last until Carson was a trembling, begging mess of out-of-control desire. Also, Rodney showed Carson how he liked to play with and push a finger up his own anus while he masturbated. Carson took that knowledge to the next level, letting Rodney show him at first and then taking over, pushing two fingers in and unerringly finding his prostate. And just when Rodney though his toes couldn’t curl any harder, Carson had lubed up his thick cock and pushed it in home in Rodney. It was a little uncomfortable at first, but then it became amazing and then incredible and then so very very damn good that Rodney exploded into his orgasm, begging Carson to promise to do it again and again to him.

It was good, and they were good together and this find of the geothermal drilling platform was good. Rodney could stand the long, tedious, uncomfortable and often hostile jumper ride.

John had something on the HUD. It wouldn’t be long now. Deep inside of himself, Rodney did a victory dance. He had a lot to dance about as he thought about it. It was all looking up from here. He went to look out the main view window and at the HUD as they made their approach. The platform, like most ancient technology was interactive with like technology. The approach of the Jumper triggered a power up sequence in the station that turned on lights and may have even started life support prep. 

Rodney knew his face at that moment probably looked more than a little smug. He didn’t try to hide it. He deserved it after all the bullying and vindictiveness he had had put up with on the trip down. Rodney also knew he wouldn’t hide the smug smile either from Laura Cadman when he saw her again someday, knowing that she would never know that the cutest dimples Carson had were not exactly located on his face. 

End.

**Author's Note:**

> In this reality, it was the authors understanding that Dr. Cole valiantly went on to preform surgery even while suffering from a migraine. However, she opted to take the less life threatening case of Dr. Watson's leg wound while Dr. Biro took on Teyla's much more intense and serious internal injures from flying shrapnel. 
> 
> It may have been Dr. Cole's migraine that contributed to the slowness of her operating performance; thus her inability to remove the tumor in time. This chain of events is only possible if Carson is not on Atlantis at the time of the first explosion.


End file.
